Fighting To Get Back To Me!

Y’all who have been following me for awhile, know that this past year has brought me many physical and emotional struggles in regards to my changing body.  Menopause, adrenal fatigue, stress, injuries, the resulting weight gain, etc…..  It has all taken a toll.  On my confidence in not only myself, but my abilities as a trainer, group fitness instructor, Beachbody Coach, and motivator.  To look as I do right now, I feel people may not see me as any of that.
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I have been pulling away from many things-events, opportunities, even outings with friends- because I have felt like a failure.  Like I had not only failed myself, but like I had failed everyone who looked to me for positivity and inspiration.  Although I am nowhere close to my highest weight of 296#, I am obviously not at my top physical form either.   This all came on FAST last year about this time, and I let it get the best of me.  I let it consume both my head and my heart.  I have battled those thoughts, and recently cried it out with a couple of friends. 
Over the last few weeks, although I am still not close to 100% back to normal, I can feel my body releasing some of the stress and worry. Without stressing about every little thing, I have without doing anything other than going back to a mostly clean diet and not freaking out or beating myself up over every morsel of food, lost 4# since the Monday before Thanksgiving.  I hope this means that the Adrenal Fatigue is starting to let me go and letting my hormones begin to regulate. I have felt much happier and my positive attitude is beginning to return!
I tell you all of this and share this particular picture below, because I am going to be VERY HONEST, I miss this body and the person I felt like then!  I was not my lowest weight here, actually weighed around 170# give or take a few pounds, but I felt GOOD!!! I was fit and strong and had an amazing mindset!  And my body was not fighting me.  I simply felt healthy!
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So as I go forward, I am going to continue to eat mostly clean and healthy(approximately 80:20) and not put any labels on my “diet”. No more low-carb, no carb, keto, paleo, fat free, strict calorie control, Atkins, blah blah blah!!!! I am declaring one last time, that my days of being a human guinea pig to research different diets is OVER!!! To be honest, it doesn’t really matter to anyone but myself, how my body responds anyway! We are all different. And every eating plan will affect us each differently. The only thing that REALLY matters, is that it is healthy and life long SUSTAINABLE for YOU! And for me personally, I refuse to put some things in(or ON) my body, even if it means I could get back to this weight in a short period of time. Thanks but NO THANKS! I will do it the exact same way that I went from 296# down to my TOO lean for me runner’s body at 149# and 17%BF. I liked how I looked, but it was not sustainable for Me.
This decision means eating a “clean” diet and continuing to ENJOY exercise! I am not afraid of the work, and I am certainly not in this for the short-term. In my past experience, fast weight loss just meant FASTER rebound weight gain! The end of this destination is me living a full, healthy, and HAPPY life into old age! NOT a certain number on a scale or the size of my jeans!
 
I want to be around for a long time! I LOVE my life, and I don’t want to leave it too soon! 🙂 I believe that in opening Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT, and working with Beachbody, that I have found my purpose. And I will continue to FIGHT for that! No adrenal fatigue, hormone imbalance, or injury will get me to quit!
 
Like a Phoenix, I will once again RISE UP!
#NeverGiveUp #MakeTodayGreat #DeliverHope

Time For A Visit to My WHYS!

My WHYS!

To Be The BEST Version of ME That I Can Be!

To Help Others Find Their Inner Strength to BE Their Personal BEST!

Don’t Let Anyone’s Doubts Keep You From Doing What You Love!  EVEN YOUR OWN!

NEVER QUIT!

 

I have been feeling “OFF” lately.  That “not quite myself” feeling.  To the point of allowing some negativity get through that big POSITIVITY WALL that I usually try to keep built up around me.  My light in my smile has even been dimmed in recent months.  I am over it!  It is time to MOVE FORWARD!!!  Onward and Upward as the saying goes! 🙂

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Are you letting your baggage be a barrier?

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This picture of this baggage wall paper was like a smack in the face to me!  I have been allowing not only new challenges in my life, but also OLD challenges and baggage creep back up into my life making me feel “less than”.  That is the power that negative thinking and more importantly, what negative ENERGY can have in your life.  I am closing that door in my life.  And when negativity comes knocking, I will be placing a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the doorknob!  Old pains in my life are surfacing for different reasons, which are a theme for a different blog someday.  Hell, it may be enough for me to write a whole book!  But either way, today I will not be giving it any negative power in my life.  It can’t be undone, but I can forgive those who hurt me so that I can let go of the hurt that I hold deep inside that has, for most of my life, given me the feelings that I am not worthy of real love or real happiness.  That I didn’t deserve them.  I now know that I DO!

 

I am learning that new struggles in my life are NOT necessarily bad things.  I just need to learn and grow through the new struggles and not give them all the power.  And I need to not think that I am struggling because I deserve ONLY struggle because that is what the past has shown me.  Some struggles are simply put in our lives to help us learn and grow.  We can either look for the lesson or not.  And if you choose not to learn, you will not grow.

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So, to close, I will NEVER quit on me, and since I CHOOSE to never quit on me, as part of my WHY, I will also NEVER QUIT ON YOU!  I am CHOOSING to learn and grow through this period.  It may not be all rainbows and puppy dogs today, tomorrow, or even next month, but there will be times of bright light and happiness.  THAT is what I choose to take from this journey.

Wanna Come Along?

My new way of seeing struggle in my life –

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You have the power to MAKE today GREAT! ❤

Looking for…..Something

Today I am not sure WHAT to write, but I feel compelled to write something.

I have been a bit lost lately.  What does that mean?  I’m really not sure.

Many things in my life and the lives of those around me, are changing.  Change of course, is scary.  And I am no exception to this rule.  My life has been filled with some wonderful times, and some extreme lows.  I have tried to take my life when I felt I had nothing left to live for, and I have celebrated days when I felt like things were actually looking up.  Nothing is ever perfect.  I own a business(2 in fact), and I am still broke.  I am healthy and fit, and yet I am still fat.  I love my husband, yet we still argue and fight to make our relationship work every day.  I have a home that I love, but it is in such disarray, that I don’t want anyone in it.  I teach some amazing fitness and dance fitness classes that give me energy and want to do more, yet I am in constant pain.  I look forward to a bright future, yet I keep letting my past hold me back.

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You see, I have lived with a feeling of worthlessness all my life.  No matter what I did right in my life, I never feel it was good enough.  If I got B’s in school, why weren’t they A’s?  If I got A’s, why weren’t they A+’s?  If I lost 148#, why not 150#?  If I knew how to lose 148#, why can’t I lose 45# NOW?  And HOW & WHY did I ALLOW myself to gain back those 45# to begin with?

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I tend to be told that I am an eternal optimist.  And I AM!  Where everyone else is concerned at least.  For myself?  THAT is still under construction!   I will always try to help others the best I can, but I forget to do the same for myself.

Some of you may have noticed that you have been seeing a little bit less of me on social media lately.  That is because I am trying to give myself a little bit of rest, rehab, and healing time.  Basically cutting myself a little slack.  Yes, I still work a full-time day job 8-5, and run my studio from 6-9PM Monday-Friday, and the studio approximately 7:30AM-Noon on Saturdays.  But the times I am not at one of those 2 places or working on paperwork or practicing workout routines for the studio, is MY TIME!  And, YES, I am still a Beachbody Coach and have future plans(once I am free of injuries) to work some team building into my schedule, because at this time, my team consists only of a few coaches who are basically VIP customers with the option to be more if they so choose, but I do believe that with the right mindset and confidence, that I could make it so much more. My current team is full of loyal friends who have no desire to run a business of their own, but know the high quality of our Beachbody products, including Shakeology, and I thank God for them every day!

So, as I go forward from today, I am going to look to the future with an open mind and heart.  I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I will keep working towards my ultimate goal of helping more people like me who need the support of others to be accountable to and to help them find their way to achieve a healthier lifestyle than they are living today.

Life is a roller coaster.  I just need to enjoy the ride along the dips, twists, and turns as much as I do the climbs and the view from the tops.diamondback 🙂

What Energy Are YOU Bringing To The World?

 

I felt compelled to write about this, because I have a feeling that I have not been great about bringing my best, positive self to the world lately. And I pray that I am not emitting my negative feelings on to anyone.

It is like I have taken a step back in time to back before 2008 when I brought fitness into my life, and I have not been in the greatest place with my thoughts and feelings about myself lately.  I am starting to come around with the help of some friends and family, but between injuries, some weight gain, menopause, hormonal imbalances, and a LOT of pain, my general overall attitude has not been great.  And my greatest fear is that I have been sending negativity into the universe that it is flowing into others around me.

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SO…I am going to take responsibility by at least making the attempt to post a positivity post on the Body By BrendaT Facebook page daily for the next 30 days!  At least on weekdays, as my weekends(Saturday after Noon through Sunday) have become time with friends and at home rebooting with my husband and furkids, and I have been spending a lot less time on social media during this time.  It may not always look like quality time to some, but we are together.  After 25 years, sometimes just sitting in silence with the other person in the next room, knowing that they are there, IS quality time. 🙂

I was thinking about New Year’s Resolutions this morning on my way to work.  WHY?  Because I had a dream about New Year’s Eve last night!  LOL!  But as I write this blog, I think I am not going to wait!  Starting today, I am going to do my best to complain less and make the best of every situation.  Will I be putting on rose colored glasses to the problems and issues in my life?  No, but I will be doing my best to put my best foot forward in ALL I do!

That said, my lunch is almost over, so it is time for me to get back to my day job! 🙂

MAKE the rest of your day GREAT!

 

WHY I Choose Fitness Again and Again!

Do you “know” Me?

Are you sure?

I am an extreme introvert.  That most know.  I would prefer to sit at home with just my husband and furkids or even a few friends than go out in a crowd just about any time.  The few times a year that I actually “go out” are generally preceded by an elaborate build up on my part that is so stressful, that I almost forget to have fun!  I have also suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life.  Although, I mostly try to work through these things on my own in silence.  

I know that isn’t right, but after being told as a child, that my mental issues were something to be kept quiet about and never discussed, it is still hard for me to break free from that way of thinking.  Yeah, in the late 1970’s, depression, anxiety, childhood suicide, and being placed in a mental ward, were things a family hid from the world.  Mental illness was not viewed as something you publicly admitted that you needed help with, it was viewed as a dirty little secret.  Something you were supposed to deal with on your own.  Or simply STOP!  

If only it worked that way.

I saw this on Facebook today, and it prompted this post.

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So although I don’t talk about it often, I want you all to know that very often, anxiety and depression do not look like this on a daily basis.

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It often looks more like this-

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Or even like any of these – 

 

But all that said, and the fact that I am no longer ashamed of my past or my current issues, I am also no longer anyone’s victim!  My victim mindset is a thing of the past!

Do I still have “days”? ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY!!!

Some days, I would just as soon rip my finger nails out at the base than get out of bed.  But for the most part, I do it anyway.  Some days I would rather do just about anything than leave my house!  But for the most part, I do it anyway!  Some days I would rather throw a sheet over my head and pretend I am a ghost on Halloween than try to “do myself up” to go to work.  But for the most part, I do it anyway.  

WHY?  Some days I am not sure to be honest.  But over the last 9 years, the thing that helped me overcome those feelings of hopelessness more than anything, has been fitness.  Fitness does NOT come easy for me!  Yes, I do realize that that statement will surprise some people.  It is HARD!  It is hard EVERY DAY!  But I know that it makes me feel somehow better each and every day.  It has brought me health, both physical and mental, and even spiritual in a sense.  And it brought me another joy that I NEVER expected.  Every day, since I started inspiring others and especially since I started teaching fitness to others and then opening Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT, it has brought me the joy of helping others on their path to their own wellness.  

I CHOOSE Fitness everyday, because even though fitness is HARD, living my life the way I was BEFORE I found the outlet of fitness, was so very much harder!  I have this feeling of WANTING to be alive now.  Not simply existing until my inevitable death.  I will never be a “fitness model”, but that’s OK!  I can still be a fitness ROLE MODEL!  I will also probably never be free of the depression, anxiety, and being an introvert.  But that is also OK!  I am healthy, and each and every day I make a conscious concerted effort to being my best me.  Most days that is dressed, combed hair, showered, and OK to talk to.  But if on a Sunday you show up at my house, there will be weeks that not only will I be in my PJ’s all day,  but there is NO WAY I am answering my doorbell!  Those days are for me to be alone with ME and my family.  I am still OK, but I am a busy girl, and I need my time alone.  Time to “reboot”.  It is called self care, and it is NOT something I am ashamed of, it is just part of being ME! 

So as we are getting towards the end of Suicide Prevention Awareness month, I wanted to make sure that not only did I write a blog post to address the fact that anxiety and depression do not always look like what you think it does, but that we all deal with it differently.  But I also want to express that being open and honest and talking about it is never the wrong thing to do.  And if you don’t know where to turn if the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness begin to take over, this is a great place to start. 

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#BeThe1To

 

Jumping Off A Cliff and Learning to Fly!

I sometimes downplay what I have done over the past 15 months. I say that I opened a tiny little rural fitness studio.  Like it is a small, insignificant thing that just anyone could or would do at any time.  Like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it isn’t big enough to help anyone.
 
But you know what?
It can.
It has.
And it WILL help more!
 
And TODAY, more than ever, it has helped ME!
 
I have been feeling a bit lost in the overwhelm of life lately. If you know me or follow me on social media, you know that stress and this aging and hormonal shift crap has taken a toll on me and my confidence, both physically and mentally, over the last few years.
 
But I took this leap in spite of my intense fear, and we took on more debt than we are actually comfortable with to make my dream happen!
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After years of feeling “less than” and “unworthy” of good things happening in my life, and actually feeling like jumping off a cliff to end my pathetic life, I found fitness and it changed my life. And in June of 2016, I jumped off a different “proverbial” cliff into being a business owner! Every step off the edge of the cliff has been more scary than the last, but so far, each time my parachute has opened! And even if I fail, I get to live with the regret of having tried and failed but not regretting NEVER having taken the chance. Never having taken the chance to help others as I feel I was put here to do. Never taking a chance on ME!
 
Today, the physical and emotional build of Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT has shown me that I have more strength and confidence in myself than I ever give myself credit.
 
I AM A SUCCESS!
 
And I AM SUCCESSFUL in helping others!
My question for you, is will you strap on a parachute with me and take a chance on YOU?
 
If you are interested in being part of my inner circle to start, or continue, on your path to wellness, I would love to talk to you!
 
You can message me direct on Facebook or at bodybybrendat@outlook.com.  
OR CLICK HERE to fill out an application telling me a bit about you and your goals.
(I am also a Beachbody Coach, so some of the questions refer to Beachbody Coaching which is also available if you are not up for working out in public or with a group, but can’t afford personal training sessions)
I am willing to fall, because I know that when I get back up, the next try could be the time that I FLY!!!
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WHY I chose the Phoenix!  #RiseUp

Q Magazine Article

This blog is simply to share an article that I got to be part of.  I was so excited when Amanda Cumrine messaged me through my Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT Facebook page to see if I wanted to be part of a Return to Fitness article.  Don’t get me wrong, I was initially scared to death, which to me was a sure sign that I was to say YES! 🙂  The following is that article.  If you are interested in checking out my studio and classes, or need an online coach who can lead you through a Beachbody program to keep you accountable, I would love to hear from you.  I will always be here to help, but YOU have to DECIDE to COMMIT to the WORK!

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If you can not see the article well here, you can click the article or HERE to read it in its entirety.

 

Thank You for all of your support! ❤