Someone gave me the gift of wings today.  

I have many wonderfully supportive people in my life.  However, I have fought and done all I know how, to get the approval of a couple of people who for some reason don’t seem to want to give it.  I am done trying to please others, because I am good enough for ME!  I have worked hard to change my life for the better.  And I try my best to be a good person to others.  So WHY would I NOT deserve something good to happen in my life???  I DO!  

I received compliments and was told I was an inspiration from people literally all over the world today.  Funny how sometimes it takes someone looking in from the outside to see something that those closest to you cannot. 

But now my confidence has been boosted, and I think it is time to reach for my stars!  Head up.  Eyes wide open.  Ready to work.  

Thank You Stace:)

WOW!  2 days of being sick has managed to really leave me weak!  I am still stuffy and achy and for some reason REALLY swollen, but I managed to sweat my bum off for about an hour and a half in the garage.  I am starting a new lifting routine tomorrow, so I did a boxing-style workout with some heavy bag and a few plyometrics, followed by a half hour on the TM doing incline walking.  But everything I did was HARD!  My joints are sore and my muscles ache.  I hope I am feeling better tomorrow.  I have 27 days to reach my next goal.  

Now it is time to go organize my workout and food journal for the next 4 weeks and finish this weeks food prep.  Vacation is over and it is back to work tomorrow:( 

I know it has been a while since i have posted anything, but I have been a busy girl.  Last week, I spent the week getting ready for vacation, and this week I am ON vacation.  Which normally would be awesome, but I am sick:(  I had a few good days, but I have spent the last 2 days barely able to breathe.  But before I got too sick, I got to do a few fun new things.  I went Kayaking for the first time with Laura Seivert from http://www.adventurefoot.com

AND…what I thought was going to be one picture for the school(Legacy Martial Arts), with KICKPICS – Professional Martial Arts Photography and KICKPICS.net was actually much more than that.  Here is one of my favorite shots that Mr Sanchez has posted on Facebook.

To see more of his work and many others from the Legacy shoot, go to their Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/KICKPICS .  I will share more of my pics when I get my CD.

After seeing some of the pics from this photo shoot, I am going to continue to work on my dreams.  And I am going to try to lean out a bit more over the next month for my photo shoot with Sherry in September.  At that point, I will be 4 years in to my journey, and still trying to be better every day:)  Stay hungry My Friends!

This has been a weird week.  My allergies are acting up, so my lungs are kind of making me feel like a cardio beginner.  And for some reason, although I have always been a bit uncoordinated, I have had an exceptionally rough week with little injuries.  Monday I strained my back, Thursday I tweeked my Right hamstring doing sprints, and yesterday I jammed my finger that I had to have surgery on and it is about the size of a polish sausage:(  And for some odd reason, my calves keep cramping!  UGH!

OK…so that is enough of my whining.  I am sitting here eating breakfast  1c Plain Greek yogurt with vanilla flavored stevia drops, 1/3c granola, and some watermelon and cantaloupe.  And LOTS of coffee!  Then I am going to head to the garage and do some kind of workout.  Probably a couple Jillian Michaels DVD’s, because I am starting a new lifting schedule tomorrow, so I need to keep the resistance light.  But first, I need to get some laundry started, and do a little meal prep for the week.

I am really hoping to have a much more typical week this week with greater focus on my diet.  My pictures have been rescheduled for September 22nd due to a scheduling problem that was TOTALLY my fault, but that gives me the time to work on my diet and core a bit more and hopefully lean out.  That said…I am getting some pics taken for something else, on either the 20th or 21st, so I need to stay focused this week.

See Ya’All on FB at http://www.facebook.com/bodybybrenda1 for daily updates and motivation.

This post is really just for me.  I need to work through some things in my head.  BUT, having said that, I do want to share it in case reading it will help anyone else with the same struggles.

I struggle with who I “AM” all the time.  I know I am a good person, I am determined, strong, and nurturing.  But then I am also a worrier, selfish with my time, a hothead, and unorganized.  Then there is the physical me…The person others see, and the person I see are often 2 different people.  Until today.  Someone I love told me today that I could stand to lose another 20-25# if I really wanted to be considered “skinny” in his eyes.  I have to tell you, that after the self-doubting weekend I had, it hit me in the gut like a blow from Mike Tyson!  But I also feel he had a point.  But do I want to be his version of “skinny”?  But that said, WHAT DO I WANT???

I was in such a “defeated” place this weekend, that I was even not really all that upset when I found out that scheduling conflicts is going to push back the pics that I was going to have taken on the 11th.  I have been looking forward to this for months.  My diet has not been spot on, but I have been working out HARD!  I just don’t feel I have worked hard enough to get where I want to be to even make it worth having “fitness” pics taken.

Have I put on the muscle?  Yes, I have, but I did not get rid of enough fat, and therefore, even though I am sitting at 20.4% bodyfat(not bad for a 41 yr old woman who was 50%+ less than 4 yrs ago), I feel like a failure.  And I know failures are just stepping stones to success, and I know that even though I feel low right now, that I will NOT stay here.  But I still struggle with  it from time to time, even comparing myself to others, even though I know I shouldn’t.  They are NOT me!  There is only one Me, and I have done some pretty awesome things with my life over the last 4 years.   But then I look in the mirror and see ONLY the failures.

BUT…I still have to wonder if the woman in my mirror will EVER be where she thinks she should be???  Will I EVER feel worthy of all the good things happening in my life?  Then again, why shouldn’t I?  I have worked VERY hard!  I know I look better than I did 4 years ago.   I even know that due to the changes I have made on the outside, I have changed on the inside.  One big change is that I actually WANT to share things like this with others.  I used to hold EVERYTHING in!

If you got this far, thanks for reading.  And I will keep thinking out loud until I find ALL of Me:)