Shame?

Working through some “stuff” in my head the past few weeks.  While I was doing that, I am going to admit that my commitment to my nutrition and fitness were placed on the back burner.  I am feeling a little better about a few things now – not all is well – but I am feeling a bit more like myself.  After some deep digging to figure out WHY I was feeling like such a failure even when others said I was an inspiration, I think I have come to this conclusion….

I want to help EVERYONE!  But for many who come to me for help(and some who don’t ask, but I try to solicit unwanted advice, out of a place of passion and caring), I want it for them MORE than they want it for themselves.  And when they fail, I feel that I have failed. 

I then became very down and depressed, and stopped even caring about wanting it for myself!  I started relying on old self sabatoging ways.  Eating to procrastinate.  Skipping workouts, even when I could have easily fit one in.  Not focusing on ME at all.  I even stopped my faithful PD practice for a bit.  Thoughts like, “If I can’t help others succeed, I must be a failure, RIGHT?  And failures FAIL!”  So I started to turn my back on everything that I had done to become a weight loss success story in the first place.

That brings me to this past week.  I had resolved to get back on track.  Not let ANYTHING get in my way.  Then my Daisy got sick.  One of my beloved furbabies ate a rock and had to have emergency surgery.  UP went the stress level again.  Relied on convenience foods and did not take or MAKE time to work out most nights.  Over the weekend, I took a long hard look at what I have done to myself.  I am heavier and in the worst shape that I have been in in about 4 years, and I don’t feel like I am doing right by my customers, students, clients, family, and friends.  How can I inspire and motivate them to help them be their best when I am not doing it myself?

Then it came to me during a team call tonight!  Jimmy said, “I can’t do it for you, no matter how much I want it for you!”

BAM!  Right between the eyes!  I have been taking all of this too personally.  THAT is why I am having trouble helping others AND taking care of ME! 

I DO want to help every person who wants my help to find their health and fitness.  But they MUST want it as badly, or I can’t take it to heart when they don’t become the next huge success story.  They must have their own “skin in the game”, otherwise I can give them all I got and still come up wanting.

So, tonight for the first time in a very long time, I not only stuck to my healthy supper, I even got up from the table and went and brushed my teeth to keep me from going for something sweet as I often have recently(Old habit)after supper.  AND, although I was tired from a very busy and draining weekend, I did 30 minutes with Autumn Calabrese and 21 Day Fix – Total Body Cardio Fix.

I pray this new enlightenment continues and I do not have any other “ISSUES” that my mind can’t seem to handle. I did not start a Support group that I had originally wanted to this week, but next week, the one will open for everyone who is starting a Challenge with me between now and June.

If you want to be part of it, email me at bodybybrenda@hotmail.com and ask for more info.

Time for this girl to get some shut eye!

As ALWAYS…

MAKE today GREAT!!!