Please Understand

If you follow me on Facebook, you know I have had a difficult and emotional last week or so.  Not only did suicide once again show its ugly face in my life, but I also lost a family member.  And to make it more tragic, my niece now shares my pain and sorrow of losing a child through premature birth.  So now our baby girls are up in heaven together.  That belief is sometimes the only way I can get through the day. Knowing that one day I will see her again, and that I AM her Mom!

I had tried so many outlets in the past, including some VERY BAD ones!  Things that were so unhealthy, including chain-smoking, stress eating, excessive drinking, and addiction to mind numbing prescription pain medications.  In September of 2008, I decided to try exercise as a form of stress relief.  And today, I have Beachbody programs including the new CIZE.  And for me, CIZE isn’t even like exercise, it is simply dance, which is an great way to release stress.  Finding exercise to help me get healthy physically, has also been a catalyst for me to get healthy and grow in so many other areas of my life.

So the healthy ways I deal with my stress is with dance, exercise, and sharing with all of you through my writing here on this blog and on Facebook.  And something a bit new for me, I wrote a poem last night after seeing pictures on my FB feed of a beautiful new baby that was born this weekend.  I liked the pic, and am genuinely happy for the new parents, I AM!  But sometimes it just hurts to see a happiness that I myself never got to have.  So if I ever don’t seem happy for a new mom or dad, I hope you understand that it is only my own internal sadness, grief, and pain, that cause me to sometimes not want to hold or dote over your new bundle of joy.  And it also most certainly does not mean that I am not sincerely happy for you and your new addition!  Other days, I may swoop that baby up in my arms and be totally great with the world.  Grief is a funny thing, and everyone deals with it differently.  I ask that you Please Understand MY way.

Love To You All!

baby pic and poem-2


Facebook Body By Brenda

IG and Twitter @bodybybrenda

*I could not find the artist’s name for the drawing behind my poem.  I found it on a Google search, and thought it was beautiful, so I hope they do not mind that I used it.*

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