My Journey

I had planned to write this post a long time ago, but it seems very relevant for my life right now.

This post is not about weight loss or getting fit.

This post is about finding Me!

OK, so I guess I can’t say it is NOT about losing the weight or getting fit at all, because it took me finally taking care of my outsides to figure out what was going on inside. I truly believe that if you are stuck in a crappy place in your head, that it starts to show up on your body. That is what was true for me. But deciding to commit to fixing the outside, I finally learned to start looking inward.

From the outside looking in, I had an AMAZING childhood. And for the most part I DID! I had the most AWESOME Mom in the world, who even though we had some difficult times, always made sure I knew she loved me. I had a Dad who provided for me and had a quirky sense of humor. I have 4 older siblings who for the most part liked me, even though I was the “spoiled brat youngest child” 🙂 hehehe And I even had a few good friends both in my neighborhood and at school, a few of whom I still talk to today on occasion.

But there was a LOT going on in my head that was not allowed to be discussed. Oh, I have since discussed it with therapists and priests, but back then, you didn’t talk about mental issues such as depression and crippling fears, and you certainly did not discuss abuse of any kind. But that is what landed me in an adult facility after having a nervous breakdown at the age of 9. This place only made things about 1,00,000,000,000 times worse, but I am not going to go into those details here today. I have talked about it some, so no worries that I am still to this day, 35 years later, holding it all in. But I did for a very long time, as I was “instructed” to do.

But with the Personal Development that I have been introduced to since becoming a Beachbody Coach from people such as, Darren Hardy, Jim Rohn, Simon Sinek, and Steven Pressfield, just to name a few, I have started to dig a little deeper past the outside and deal with the junk that has been eating at me from the inside. And I have even learned to let some of it go. I have learned that no matter what anyone thinks, I was not put on this Earth to be their doormat, and I do NOT deserve to be put down by anyone. And that in most cases, no matter how hard you try, you will NEVER be able to make everyone in a situation or group happy! So, Brenda the “people pleaser” is GONE! She was pretty cool, but she held in a lot of really tough feelings. And people took advantage of that kindness, and that was starting to make some of those emotions spiral out of control. She held in a lot of pain. And she never showed anyone, but many times, she would even take a few hours, or sometimes even days or weeks, and sink into a very dark, self-destructive, place.

People can be very cruel to people that they think are strong and can take anything! I have recently met a few AMAZING ladies who I can now talk to about this subject, because I know they understand! And TOGETHER we make personal gains and work through not letting the “Negative Nellies” or the “Judgment Judys” ruin our celebration of what we have accomplished! We can be proud of our accomplishments and work through the emotions of feeling bad about ourselves when “haters” want to spread their cruelty. Because whether it was intentional or not, it really does hurt the same.

So, although I have had a REALLY rough go of it for the last few months, and some variables in my life have not made my depression any easier to deal with, I WILL go on! I WILL PREVAIL! I WILL SUCCEED!

WHY?

Because for the first time in my life……

I BELIEVE IN ME! Believe-in-Yourself-Be-You-2