That quote may sound like it comes from a place of negativity, but it is actually a result of celebration for a job well done!
You see, I DID IT! I made it through NO BOOZE February without consuming a single drop!
I have been referred to as a functioning alcoholic over the past few years. I used to be a straight up DRUNK, but had gotten pretty good control over alcohol until my Dad started going down hill about 4 or 5 years ago. I took some pretty intense verbal abuse from him over his last few years. To the point that I missed out on a few of his later months, because he made me feel so horrible about myself, that I could not make myself go see him. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right by him. I had spent my whole life trying to make him proud and by some of the hurtful things he said in his last few years, I don’t know that I ever succeeded. And yes, I do realize that during most of this time he was not in his right mind, but the words hurt nonetheless, and I was not mentally strong enough to separate what was actually happening from what was making me feel 100% worthless! And I unfortunately went back to old habits of numbing my feelings and dealing with stress through alcohol consumption.
So, what kind of discoveries did I find through this month?
I have some AMAZING friends! But that I pretty much already knew 🙂 But somehow, they were always in the right place at the right time to distract me when I was feeling weak.
I am WAY stronger than I thought I was.
I don’t have to conquer the world all at once, and I am allowed to rest! I don’t have to make up reasons to rest, or run myself into the ground before I take the rest. Regular, SCHEDULED rest is OK!
I may take longer to reach my goals and achieve my success, but that does not mean that they don’t count and that I am a bad person because I can’t do everything RIGHT NOW!
Running a business is HARD! Give yourself time to learn.
When you have been really sick, give yourself time to recover! No one who matters will expect you to heal overnight!
I AM ENOUGH!
During the last month, I also had some good discussions about the issues that would normally make me pull away into a dark place and drink alone until I was numb. I have recently lost a wonderful friendship over what I feel was not really a good reason to end a friendship, but… Through discussion and reflection, I have come to realize that all the drinking and crying I have done over this loss has gotten me no closer to being “over it”. So I am “feeling” the pain of the loss. And I am going to be honest, I don’t like it! But I am dealing with it. I have, in my head at least, blessed and released this person from my life. My heart is taking a little longer to catch up. But I spent most of my life trying to be something for someone else. Trying to please someone else. Well that someone died without me still really knowing if I was “good enough” for him. But now I realize, that I only need to be good enough for ONE PERSON on this planet, and that is ME!
I also realized that I eat to procrastinate even when I don’t have a drink in my hand. And that I WILL use said food(which is my other main addiction) in place of alcohol to numb out or escape from the world when alcohol isn’t an option to me. Another BIG issue that I am working on.
And while all of this is happening, and I sitting in a corner doing nothing?
NO! I am working on MY dreams. Less than 9 years ago, I knew ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about health and fitness and how to live a truly healthy lifestyle. Now, not only am I working on MY journey, but I am making my passion my paycheck.
I know how it works, but I also know that you actually have to DO the work EVERY DAY! You don’t STOP the journey when you hit a goal. You make a new goal. But you also have to remember to keep up with the things that got you to the successful place that you thought was your destination. That is where I messed up. I thought I was good. I thought I could drink a little more often, eat a little more, and even eat a few more cheat meals. That is NOT how it works. You have to stay YOUR course, because life WILL throw you curve balls! And if you have strayed back from the plate a little too far, you won’t be able to keep control of your full strike zone. Keep your eye on the ball , and you WILL get your pitch! But not if you are not willing to show up EVERY DAY and do the work that it takes to be ready for it!
Are you ready?
Need a 100% NO JUDGEMENT place to put in the work?
Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT or YOUR OWN HOME with the help of one of my Beachbody Support and Accountability Groups could be exactly what you are looking for!
Email me and let’s do this thing together! bodybybrendat@outlook.com
