This past weekend, I went to our Beachbody Quarterly meeting, called Super Saturday, in St Louis. I used to host a small local one, but have gone to St Louis the past several, to get around other coaches. Part because it is good for me as an introvert to get out around other people, part because it puts me in a good mindset to spread the word about my business and our amazing products, and part because I get to see some great friends. This particular meeting was extra special, because a friend with an amazing story was there to be the speaker. Some of you have probably heard of her, Coach Tulin?
We are very different in many ways, but each time I listen to her, I get a mm closer to being BOLDLY who I AM! It will not happen all at once, because there are YEARS of issues buried in me about my self-image, self-worth, body shaming, depression, anxiety, fear, resistance, etc, to get passed. But just like with my fitness, I may not go forward by leaps and bounds, but I keep going forward with tiny, baby steps.
Today however, I am going to take a BIT GIANT SCARY STEP!
I know people judge me. People judge me for what I eat all the time, which is why I eat mostly alone at home and then it turns into an emotional eating binge because I start feeling bad about myself because someone questioned WHY I would eat a prepackaged soup at work for lunch! OMG! I am NOT perfect, but some days a can of soup is better than the other choices I wanted to make, so it happens! I had one today! But I didn’t have Taco Bell! So see….. Maybe not the best, but certainly not the worst of choices I could have made!
Anyway….I kinda got off script there. I tell others every day to NOT care what others think of them, but I resist listening to that advice for myself. I DO care! It bothers me immensely! I feel I am supposed to be and look a certain way to do what I do, and I blame my lack of success on the fact that I do not “look” the part right now. Especially since I fell ill over the winter and packed on some weight after 2 rounds of heavy steroids.
But after seeing Coach Tulin this weekend, I feel I am ready to take another step that will hopefully free me from some of the stress and anxiety that has built up in me over gaining some weight. I know that I need to love and accept myself at every stage of my journey. Even this one!
So, even though I am not where I want to be and have been struggling more than I haven’t for the last 3 years, I will NEVER GIVE UP! I will fight for my health!
And remember, healthy isn’t always a Size 2! For me it may be more of a 6 or an 8, and I am FINALLY OK with that! I just want to get back to where I feel good in my own skin again. And I WILL!