Fighting To Get Back To Me!

Y’all who have been following me for awhile, know that this past year has brought me many physical and emotional struggles in regards to my changing body.  Menopause, adrenal fatigue, stress, injuries, the resulting weight gain, etc…..  It has all taken a toll.  On my confidence in not only myself, but my abilities as a trainer, group fitness instructor, Beachbody Coach, and motivator.  To look as I do right now, I feel people may not see me as any of that.
22540247_10155043507321623_5628442024779671594_n.jpg
I have been pulling away from many things-events, opportunities, even outings with friends- because I have felt like a failure.  Like I had not only failed myself, but like I had failed everyone who looked to me for positivity and inspiration.  Although I am nowhere close to my highest weight of 296#, I am obviously not at my top physical form either.   This all came on FAST last year about this time, and I let it get the best of me.  I let it consume both my head and my heart.  I have battled those thoughts, and recently cried it out with a couple of friends. 
Over the last few weeks, although I am still not close to 100% back to normal, I can feel my body releasing some of the stress and worry. Without stressing about every little thing, I have without doing anything other than going back to a mostly clean diet and not freaking out or beating myself up over every morsel of food, lost 4# since the Monday before Thanksgiving.  I hope this means that the Adrenal Fatigue is starting to let me go and letting my hormones begin to regulate. I have felt much happier and my positive attitude is beginning to return!
I tell you all of this and share this particular picture below, because I am going to be VERY HONEST, I miss this body and the person I felt like then!  I was not my lowest weight here, actually weighed around 170# give or take a few pounds, but I felt GOOD!!! I was fit and strong and had an amazing mindset!  And my body was not fighting me.  I simply felt healthy!
1525376_10201438317067964_1639782558_n.jpg
 
So as I go forward, I am going to continue to eat mostly clean and healthy(approximately 80:20) and not put any labels on my “diet”. No more low-carb, no carb, keto, paleo, fat free, strict calorie control, Atkins, blah blah blah!!!! I am declaring one last time, that my days of being a human guinea pig to research different diets is OVER!!! To be honest, it doesn’t really matter to anyone but myself, how my body responds anyway! We are all different. And every eating plan will affect us each differently. The only thing that REALLY matters, is that it is healthy and life long SUSTAINABLE for YOU! And for me personally, I refuse to put some things in(or ON) my body, even if it means I could get back to this weight in a short period of time. Thanks but NO THANKS! I will do it the exact same way that I went from 296# down to my TOO lean for me runner’s body at 149# and 17%BF. I liked how I looked, but it was not sustainable for Me.
This decision means eating a “clean” diet and continuing to ENJOY exercise! I am not afraid of the work, and I am certainly not in this for the short-term. In my past experience, fast weight loss just meant FASTER rebound weight gain! The end of this destination is me living a full, healthy, and HAPPY life into old age! NOT a certain number on a scale or the size of my jeans!
 
I want to be around for a long time! I LOVE my life, and I don’t want to leave it too soon! 🙂 I believe that in opening Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT, and working with Beachbody, that I have found my purpose. And I will continue to FIGHT for that! No adrenal fatigue, hormone imbalance, or injury will get me to quit!
 
Like a Phoenix, I will once again RISE UP!
#NeverGiveUp #MakeTodayGreat #DeliverHope