April 10th. The day I dread all year long. It is the day that a quite literal piece of me went to heaven. You see, my daughter, Marian, was born and died April 10, 1989. The day after my 18th birthday. Little did I know at the time, that the 5 1/2 months I spent with her would be the closest I would ever get to being a mother. She will always be with me, but there will also always be a part of me that will grieve the loss of my child.
As I was getting ready for work this morning, I thought WOW! Marian would be 29 today. I always think of her as a baby, but if she were alive today, she could quite possibly have babies of her own. I would be a Grandma! What a beautiful thought ❤
But that was not in the hand I was dealt. I was never blessed with children. I often wonder how different my life may have been, but I am happy now, so why dwell, right? But I still can’t help but wonder sometimes.
Today as I am trying to get into my work, I just had to dump some thoughts and feelings so I could go on about my day. I do still get down sometimes about not being a Mom. I do still love babies. I am blessed with more nieces, nephews, and great- nieces and nephews than I can count anymore that I love to pieces! I do still have days that I don’t want to be around babies, although they are much fewer and far between these days. Today, however, being one of them, but only because I have a TERRIBLE COLD! 😛
So, I write this blog mainly to say Happy Birthday Marian! Mommy LOVES You! And I will speak for the rest of the family and say, that we all wish we could have met you. Here, once again, is Daddy’s Poem for you.
In Memory Of Marian
I hear the cry of a child
From far, far away
And I wonder if the crying
Is my Marian trying to say:
It’s OK, so please don’t frown,
It was not your fault at all.
Now I am sitting here in Heaven
And GOD said that I could call.
So I called to say I love you,
And I hope that you’re alright.
I hope my call won’t sadden you,
And keep you up all night.
Well, I have to go now.
Please be happy and don’t fret.
‘Cause I am sitting here on GOD’s lap
Getting the best care I can get.
‘Till we meet again ❤