You Are Not Where You Want To Be

THAT, My Friends, is the answer to the question, “What should I use for motivation?”

PERIOD!

Are you healthy?

Then eat right and exercise!

Are you at your goal weight?

Then eat right and exercise!

Are you happy with YOU?

Then eat right, exercise, and add some wonderful Personal Development books! *I can recommend a few of my personal favorites if you don’t know what a good PD book even is.*

Downloads11

Yes, I do know that the above is a bit cliche’, but I don’t really care.  It is 100% the TRUTH!

Here is a bit of MY truth if you don’t know it.

10 years ago this week, I was 35# down from my highest weight of 296#, and no one had even noticed! I was practically starving myself, and knew I was on yet another road to failure! No one even knew I was trying to lose weight.  I had not declared that I was on a health journey, because I just knew I was going to fail.  On September 16, 2008, I watched the Season 6 Premier of Biggest Loser, like I ALWAYS did, but something felt different in me this time.  I had already seen the number on the scale go down some, so why not go for it.  I joined an online community, and went on to lose another 110# to see my lowest weight.  But I still didn’t look like what I was aiming for.  So I started lifting more weights and doing a little less cardio.  I gained back about 20# of solid muscle and dropped another 2 sizes!

This pic was taken around that time. Man my hair was short! LOL!

Now, over the past few years, some BIG stresses, some tragic distractions, some “not so smart on my part” experimenting with different diet theories, and simply getting older and entering menopause, has lead me to where I am now dealing with some metabolic/hormonal issues along with a significant weight gain.  Today, I weighed in at 205#. I am still mortified by that number, but it is also unfortunately NOT the highest I have seen over the past few months.  I know that this leg of my journey is going to be a rough one!  Y’All KNOW I work hard, so that number does NOT and WILL NOT, define Me!

But what I KNOW works, is not something I have stuck with as I experimented with the many trends that I tell people to stay away from, but had to prove it to myself.

And what is MY MOTIVATION to return to what I know works?

ME!

MY HEALTH!

MY DESIRE TO BE BACK IN A SIZE 6!

MY WANTING TO FEEL STRONG AND POWERFUL AGAIN!

So, maybe those aren’t YOUR reasons.  Maybe you could care less about being a size 6.  To be honest, it was never my goal either!  A size 12 was.  And even right now, where I am currently, I am wearing mostly 10’s and have caught myself hating on me and beating myself up.  To that I now call BS!

And I had to look long and hard into the mirror and find MY MOTIVATION!  And it was staring back at me!  I see the barrel around my midsection.  CLASSIC Diabetes body.  I can feel my blood pressure rise sometimes and see my ankles and hands swell along with that heavy feeling after a hard move in a workout.  Classic heart disease signs.  These 2 diseases plague my family!  It is imperative that I take control again.

THAT is what MOTIVATES ME!

So, I ask you, do you need me screaming in your face and dropping some TOUGH LOVE down on you?

If so, I do both in person classes and training AND online coaching.

CPT CLIENTS

But I am here to tell you that all the coaching and knowledge in the world will not help if you are not ready to commit to Yourself!  If you can’t look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What am I waiting for?  WHY do I continue to do this to myself?”  and come to the conclusion that you are READY to LIVE your healthiest life by making more good choices than bad and showing up ready to do WORK!

So, I tell you all of this to let you know that just because I am not where I want to be, does not mean that I am not working for it.  I AM!  If you come to any of my classes, you KNOW that to be true!  And today, I challenge you to put in the work to make YOU feel better.  I would love to, but I can’t do the work for you.  Here is what I am doing because it is what has worked for me in the past, and I just need to be patient and put in the work.

I am eating right approximately 80% of the time.

I workout a minimum of 4 days a week.

I lean on MY support group when I need some accountability or need to vent or need someone to be there to either help or even just listen while I talk something out.

And, this just in, I am learning how to REST!  My recovery time, or lack thereof, has been a big part of my current issues.  So I am learning to make some time for it again.

So, now that you know Your Motivation comes from within and has been there all along, you just needed to look for it…..

What’s Your Plan?

Let me know if I can help! ❤

But Did I Really Fail?

I have been beating myself up again lately.  You see, I started LIIFT4 with Joel Freeman, and at that time had every intention of doing all 32 workouts.  And at first, the getting up early was going OK.  And I even started to feel stronger.  But around week 5, I noticed that a few things were “off”.  I was cranky.  I felt weak.  I was tired.  I was having trouble getting through not only MY workouts, but the classes I teach each night at Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT.  Which in and of itself makes me feel like a failure, because I need to be 100% there to lead my students.  So that was really bothering me.

Week 6, I was on vacation from my day job, but I was actually physically busier than when I work, and I was NOT getting up early when I finally had time to get some decent sleep!  So, my only workouts were my classes that I still taught 4 out of 5 of the normally scheduled days. Which unfortunately means that I did not stay on track with LIIFT4, and then did not go back to it after I went back to work to finish the last 2 weeks.

Did I fail?

To complete that particular program, yes.

But did I really fail?

I don’t think so.  Why? Because I did learn some valuable training tips from Joel, and I learned the MAIN GOAL of LIIFT4!  That you CAN do this AMAZING program even with a busy lifestyle, because it is sustainable!

But for ME personally, I was WAY overdoing it!  For the 6 weeks that I was doing LIIFT4, I was working out a minimum of 10 hours a week!  And with choreography and Insanity LIVE and Country Heat LIVE practice, it was more like 12-15!  And if you have ever been to one of my classes, you know that I teach best by doing and giving it 110% of MY Best!

Does that sound like a lot?  Maybe not to some of you, but remember, I also work a full time job, have a husband and 5 furkids to take care of, plus all the financials for both my business AND my home, AND I am a Beachbody Coach!  I have been spreading myself too thin.  And I have known this is the reason/cause of my adrenal fatigue for awhile, but I just keep pushing! And I am now recognizing that it is time to stop.

A word that I have to return to is SUSTAINABLE!  What I was doing was NOT sustainable for me.  It is going to take awhile to heal, and I know that, but learning to chill a bit, has been a struggle for me.  I feel like I am letting someone down if I don’t try to do it all.  But doing it in exchange of my health, can’t happen any more.

So, first up to go was my extra morning workout.  Yup!  They had to go.  At this time I am down to approximately 7.5 hours of working out, plus learning how to mark things better for choreography instead of doing everything FULL OUT!

Next, will be lowering my weights in my resistance classes.  It is tough for me to watch my students lift more than me, but that is my stupid EGO getting in the way!  Time to also LET THAT GO!

 

So, that makes this an opportunity for me to do some learning about ME!

So, as one failure passes, a new opportunity to do it right has begun again! 🙂

fail or beginning.png

Low Points and Clawing Your Way Back!

We all have times when we start questioning choices we have made in our lives.  And right now, I am not going to lie, is one of those times in my life.  Which unfortunately, also makes me think of my past and wonder if those who said I would never be enough and would continue to fail at everything, were right. Have I internalized their words so much, that even after all these years, they will win?

I would like to believe the answer is NO.  But some parts of my life are signalling differently.  And as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, “The bad stuff is easier to believe.”  When I feel like things are going great, I am skeptical.  When I feel like things are going bad, my brain says, “SEE!  That’s what they told you would happen.  You will never be enough to get it right.”

05193af404c2543034449f1ac2b6682b786d25-wm.jpg

WHY am I feeling like this right now? I look back to where I was 5-6 years ago, and things were MUCH different with my finances, my health and even the way I looked!  Does the way I look thing make me egotistical, maybe, but that isn’t even why I refer to it. When asked by a friend of his, if my Dad was proud of me when I lost 148# and ran a marathon, he said, and I quote, “I’ll be proud of her if she actually keeps it off!  Otherwise, it is actually just another failed attempt.”  Weeeelllllll…..guess what?  I didn’t keep it all off.  I am still down over 90#, but I feel like a failure.  And I can feel his disappointment deep inside.

FB_IMG_1535840284947.jpg

 

It is often hard to believe in yourself when this is the demon living in your head.

But then…..I think about all that I HAVE Accomplished, despite being made to think that I would never be good enough.

I AM a Childless Mother who still gets out of bed each day.

I AM a Survivor!

And I AM ENOUGH!

I DID lose 148#!

I DID work my butt off to put on 22# of solid muscle and take my BF% down to <20%.

I DID run a marathon at 40 years old after 3 back surgeries and a spinal fusion.

I DID keep over 100# of that weight off for nearly 9 years.

I DID open a rural fitness studio and keep the doors open for nearly 2 years now despite only ONE person from my small town ever stepping foot in the door!

SO I am NOT a Failure!

Have I failed at things?  ABSOLUTELY!

But I am NOT a Failure!  And although sometimes I need to think about it long enough to get good and mad enough to prove people wrong to get back on track, I NEVER give up completely!  Otherwise I would be as unhealthy as I was in May 2008, worrying about pre-diabetes and colon cancer, and weighing in around 296#!  And if you follow me at all, you know that I still workout, I still eat well most of the time, and I hurt myself the most by not resting enough! THAT is a big one that I am working on now!  Sleep and downtime!

So, in summary, this blog post was simply my way of talking to myself back into caring about and believing in myself enough to keep going. Sometimes, life gets you down.  You just have to make sure you are strong enough to get back up no matter what!

believe in you