We all go through seasons in our lives. And sometimes, life gets you feeling like you are the losing monkey in the WORST EVER Monkey Poo Fight in the Zoo Monkey House! Some of you know what I am talking about.
But we need to do our best to keep moving forward.
And then you have those times when a season seems to take hold. Take over even! Make all of your hard work seem like it was for nothing. THAT is kind of where I have been for awhile now. And I have done my best to stay positive, but I do struggle with some depression, stress, sadness, and anxiety, so when I feel like I have failed, ALL the feelings come RUSHING in! Am I a FAILURE? NO! Absolutely not! But those demons in my head have been screaming pretty loud lately.
And I know you have heard me say it before, but I am REALLY not enjoying this whole early menopause thing! UGH! My hormones seem to be all over the place. I can be having the time of my life one minute, and one simple comment or action can make me feel like the most unloved, unworthy, unwanted person alive.
Being someone who has struggled with being suicidal for most of their life, those feelings piss me off! I don’t like feeling like that. I KNOW I am a good person. I KNOW I have so much to offer people. But when these feelings arise, and I feel worthless, what am I doing for anyone?
Some say that sharing my whole life shows my vulnerability and “human-ness”. I am human, and I do have problems. But some of my problems, struggles, and TRIUMPHS over them have made me the strong woman that I am today!
I tried to leave this world multiple times when I was only 9 years old. God wouldn’t take me. So WHY did he leave me here? I believe there was a REAL reason. I am 47, closing in on 50, and still haven’t truly found it yet.
But even though I still have days where I wonder if things would have been better had I succeeded 38 years ago, I then think of the people who tell me that I AM an inspiration to them. That I show them even during a setback, that it is possible to KEEP WORKING! That it is possible to still put a smile on my face and look for the positives in life! Because they ARE out there. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. Don’t believe me? God WANTED you to wake up this morning, so you DID! He has a plan for you! You DO have a purpose! And so do I!
Some days you may feel like you don’t have purpose, but please believe that every day, someone is thankful for you! Someone is praying for you! And if you are reading this, I can guarantee this that you are someone I am grateful for.
Fitness has been my catalyst into working on more of myself. My deeper self. I work very hard on the things I CAN control. My fitness, and as of this week, the return of working on my nutrition. If either of those things are of interest to you, whether you are a customer of mine or not, I encourage you to join my Virtual Gym Support Group. You can find a link to the Facebook Group here. Request to join, and if we are not Facebook friends, watch for a message from me shortly after, because I have VERY strict NO BULLY policies, and need everyone who comes in to realize that NO amount of ugliness will be tolerated, just like it is at my physical studio, Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT.
Talk to you all soon ❤