I know it’s been a long time since I have done a blog post, but I have been working hard just to keep myself and my business going lately. Some internal, and some external, stresses have taken over a lot of space in my brain. Including some Sadness caused partially by this HORRIBLE winter we seem to be having this year. As I type this, it is 15°, feels like 1° with snow in the forecast again for this weekend. But today, I have something to say, so I thought I would get it all off my chest.
Time for a bit of Friday Reflection.
This morning during my VERY HARD workout, as I cried halfway through it because I REALLY wanted to QUIT, I thought of some of the things that not only Shaun T was saying, but things that I have said to hundreds of students and clients. Do what works for YOU! Do something that you ENJOY and makes YOU happy! Don’t worry about anyone else! And I began to think about the first photo shoot I ever did with KICKPICS, and how Strong, Confident, and Proud I felt when we first took those pictures. So I decided to pull up those pics and try to figure out what(besides 7 years) is different in me then and now.
I miss her confidence. I miss her fearlessness. I miss her independence and not caring what others thought of her! I miss her feeling of success. I look at the things in my life that have changed since this picture. Some bad, some good, and some that I THOUGHT were good. But over the last few years, I admit that some of them seem to be bringing me more stress and internal negativity than anything. I feel like I am living my life to try to please others, and it just makes me feel like crap ALL THE TIME. Because of the constant fear that I will NEVER measure up!
And while I looked at this picture in particular, I realized that I was feeling some other stuff when I think about where I am now. And at first, all I felt was shame!
But then a rush of gratitude came over me. I DID THAT! And I CAN DO IT AGAIN! I just have to reevaluate my mindset. And the first thing I need to change, is to take care of ME!
That isn’t selfish, it is just what has to be! Me, my home life, and my studio are where my focus will be over the next few months. Because I am going to be REAL honest….Even if I don’t 100% get her body back, there is a LOT that I am missing about the girl in this picture! And it is HER and her alone who I can say, “Because of YOU, I didn’t give up!”