So Good It Hurts – When Something Touches You On a Soul Deep Level

I WISH I was talking about a complete and unconditional love that would sweep me away and take away all the sadness, pain, and loneliness. But I’m NOT!

In fact, as much as I adore him, since I met him, he has kinda caused me a lot of mental anguish. But I can’t stay away. Sounds like a Bad Boy Love Affair, right? NOPE! I am speaking of one of my favorite authors, Cole Denton(click his name to go to his website). I showed you some of his stuff on Thursday, but there is so much more.

Cole writes Dark Romance /Dark Fiction. I was expecting the BDSM and kink, and even the MM and age gap. BUT, what I wasn’t expecting, was how he gives you a character in a book that all of a sudden you FEEL so deeply for, that you become an emotional mess wanting their life to be all they deserve for it to be!

I first started reading his work with his current, The Club Oxygen, series which is AMAZING, and Book 4- Slave(Brandon’s Story) is the one I just finished that was released on Thursday. To be betrayed by the only person you think truly cares for you? My heart ripped a little more for him each chapter. I wanted to scoop him up and smother him with love.

Click on the picture for my Amazon review and to get your copy:

I highly recommend the series. And it isn’t over yet. I am already excited to get my hands on Sadist when it releases in January 2021.

I also want to touch on Cole’s Trial By Fire Series-

It touched me in a very deep, dark disturbing way, yet it made me feel whole. Cole actually said to me Thursday night, “Sometimes the dark stuff ends up making us feel whole.” That is so true. It is an acceptance in a sense of not being alone in the darkness. And since you don’t live in my head, and a post about some dark stuff in there is a WHOLE different post for another day, you may not understand why it caused such an emotional release in me. But trust me, it was powerful! So many emotions in this series….HATE, LOVE, FEAR, ACCEPTANCE, GRIEF, DISGUST, HELPLESSNESS, DESIRE, RESPECT, GUILT, LONELINESS and more .

The darkness that Ryan experiences in his life could have left him 100% broken. Hopeless. And I think that is why it touched me so much. He didn’t stop trying to be better. To find himself. To get past the darkness in his life and find some sort of light. Love.

Can a soul really find its one and only? I’d like to believe it can happen. That true love with respect and passion and trust. And I believe deep in my soul that it is possible with a single touch to show your one and only that with you they are safe, wanted, cared for, and unconditionally loved.

One thing that I think connected me to Ryan in the TBF series, comes back to the significance of me using a Phoenix in my business logo and name. I always related to the concept of it rising up from the ashes after being burned to the ground.

I have been through some shit in my life. Some bad, and some just bad luck. And due to some of that I am an overly emotional deep thinker and worrier who analyzes every word that comes out of her mouth. I freak out sending Facebook Friend requests. Right now writing this, I am worried that someone will hate it! But I distract from that side of myself with most usually self-deprecating humor. I never learned to be very nice to myself because I never felt I deserved it. That is actually still something I work on daily. But I will never give up trying to find what makes me feel deserving. Worthy. Happy. Enough. Some days I feel I may be getting too old, too settled, too comfortable to keep looking, and that it is never going to happen for me. But as I preach to others when they question similar things in their lives, I do believe that you are never too old to start a new goal, chase a new dream, or find a new, fresh outlook on life.

I got passed the semi-colon in my life a long time ago. I will Never Give Up!

There IS more!

There IS a reason!

#ColeDenton #RiseUp #ProjectSemicolon #IAmEnough #LoveIsLove #DarkFiction #DarkRomance #BDSM

Happy Release Day!

I really wanted to “introduce” those of you who don’t know his work, to one of my new favorite authors, Cole Denton, before I celebrated his latest book release. But since I just started blogging again, and had 2 author friends releasing books in one week, I didn’t get a chance to do that, and Release Day is here! And NOTHING is going to stop this celebration post from happening!

ONE, because if you see it in the next couple days, you can get the first 3 ebooks for Kindle on Amazon for 99¢ each. Links for each book will be listed at the end with their photos(enjoy Eddie Weiss on the covers of Plaything and Mistress – swoon)


TWO, because Slave – Brandon’s Story- is now LIVE!

And believe me, I am sorry to say that I can not review it yet, because I have not yet read it! I am writing this quick blog post on my lunch at work and plan to start it when my work day is done around 7:30PM.


The links to see previews and to purchase eBooks 1-3 of The Club Oxygen Series on Amazon can be found if you click each individual picture.

(all but Slave are on sale until Sunday 10/25/20 on Amazon for ONLY 99¢ before they go back to regular price of $3.99 each)

Last but certainly not least, the New Release Book 4 – SLAVE

This is Brandon’s story. You do really need to read these in order, to fully understand where Brandon comes from. I can not wait to read this book. I have a feeling it is going to gut me, yet I am dying to get into it. I am sure I will do a review post this weekend, so come back to visit ❤

(click pic for link to preview and purchase eBook on Amazon)

Much Love to Cole Denton, and I hope he has an AMAZING Release Day, and continued success with the story telling talent that he has been blessed with. And, since at the time of this being published, the 2020 World Series is taking place, and I know he loves them, GO Dodgers! 😉

#DarkErotica #DarkRomance #BDSM #MM #AgeGap

Horror Books?

OK, I am going to share a little about my last few days, because even though parts are TERRIFYING, it is also kinda funny. I am sure my “buddy” Hunter will say that it is freaking hysterical!

You see, Hunter – Hunter Holmes- is an author. His normal genre I guess would be described as adventure/erotica. His first two books The Prospect : Chronicles of Crighton 1&2, were just that! And I loved them. Started following him on Facebook, got in his author group, and became friends. SO….when he decided to write a horror book, honestly, I was a bit less than excited. Because you may know that I love scary movies, but not so much with the scary books. WHY? Because I have a VERY vivid imagination, and what I picture in my mind is often much scarier than what I see on a screen.

BUT, like I said, I enjoyed his other books, and he is a friend and author that I want to support, so I read it. It took me longer than it should have because I had to take breaks from it. I mean….there are demons! And obviously from the title Hounds from Hell! So, yeah, it took a bit out of me and I had to put it down a few times.

SO, here is where I start to amuse “my friend”. I read the book. I comment several times on the group about how I felt about it. He finds me and my “scaredy-cat” ways and SLIGHT paranoia funny! And starts laughing at me. Happy to be a source of a smile, I share it all which brings more teasing and more laughter. You’re welcome! 😉

So, the book is evil! LOL! JK, it is actually good, and probably REALLY good if you do happen to actually enjoy horror books. That said, you do, give my friend some support and go check it out on Amazon Houndings of Hell by Hunter Holmes .

And since I am POSITIVE there will be more, yes, I will be reading his next one, but did request a nightlight from him. Again, he taunted and scared me. LOL! But for now, I am going to go read a happy little romance or some fun dark stuff with a side of kink 😉

BTW….speaking of that, I will be talking about more of my favorite books and authors coming up, since this is no longer a blog just about my fitness stuff 🙂

Next up will be COLE DENTON! The boy wrecked me with the emotion in his Trial By Fire Series. When I write about/ review this series, it will require me to write a full journal of feelings, so expect a LONG post! His current work is the next book in his Club Oxygen Series, SLAVE, comes out this Thursday October 22, 2020. Here is the link to Book 1 – Oxygen

Until next time, as always, but especially in this extremely strange time in our lives full of isolation, Take Care of YOU by moving and nourishing your body and feeding and caring for your mind and soul. Sometimes exactly what you need comes from a place you never knew your soul needed.

Peace and Much Love to You All!

Hi! Remember Me?


I know. I know!

It has been awhile! Almost a year actually 😦

Well, it hasn’t been a great one for many of us with the COVID pandemic, but I have actually been dealing with a lot other than that. Let me catch you up a bit and explain where this blog is going to go from here.

First, when I last posted, I was pretty sure that I was going to have to be finding a new job. Well that didn’t happen. Not really at least. The pharmacy I work for DID get purchased by the local hospital, and things have been changing. But as the in house bookkeeper, my job has not only been secure so far, I have been swamped! I am starting to get my footing now, but still learning new things every day. Finding out just how much easier it is and how much more efficient I am at doing my job, when things are done in a more precise and methodical way. Imagine that, the anal OCD girl likes this organized! LOL! I also have a whole team of people providing the information I need to complete my tasks, and so far everything is going great!

Second, my studio, Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT. We did have to shut down for a couple of months, and while I did keep up my own workouts to a degree, I was working a LOT of OT during that time so I gained some weight just like about half the population has during this mess. But we are now again open, and if you are local and would like to see what classes I have to offer right now, go to the calendar on my website. Classes will be added or changed as we find out what fits into people’s lives once we all get back to a bit more normalcy. AND, fitness related, I AM still a Beachbody Coach. I just have not had a lot of time for much other than what I am doing and relaxing with books in between to protect my sanity! LOL!

And last but not least, me personally. Well…I cut all my hair off again! 😉 And as I said above, I have gained some more weight back. I am NOT very happy with myself, but I continue to eat nutritious foods more often than I don’t, and exercise is, as you know, a HUGE part of my life. I have also returned to my love of reading, and through social media have met some fun and caring people and authors who read and write the kinds of books I like to read, and even a few genres that I didn’t even know I would like.

That brings me to the next subject that I want to talk about in this blog post. The future of this blog is not just going to be about fitness and nutrition. YES, there will still be a lot of that, but this blog will also have a bit more of my day to day life, motivation and accountability posts that help me keep going even if it has NOTHING to do with fitness, books I have read or books I am reading(along with possible reviews), where my mind wanders and just general musings, from things that I have overcome or am working through, and maybe I’ll even touch on hopes, dreams, and goals for my future and things that I am working on or that we can work on together.

I am sure some of you who just liked the fitness stuff, may not like all the future posts, because some of it is dark, some if it may be a bit out of the box of who and what you think I am, and some may simply not interest you. But I’m going to be honest. I am doing this for ME! I have found that over the last several years, I have let some stuff eat me alive, and I feel I have TOTALLY lost Brenda!


I will, as always, put on my armor and move forward. Bullies don’t scare me anymore. Frankly, I am too F’n old to care who thinks what about me. So if you have an ugly opinion about me, you can keep it to yourself! Because I can delete you out just as fast as you came into my life. NO negativity tolerated anymore. 🙂

I feel I have once again hit a Rock Bottom!

Time To RISE UP!