At Last

Here we are again
A crossroads of sorts
I want to be with you
But I have to stay here
My heart aches at the thought
Of going another year
Another year without knowing
Another year without answers.
Just like the sprint
Over too soon
Would the marathon have been better
Only He knows
His decision was final.
The hurt.
The pain.
The questions.
Not even, “Why me?” but
“Why YOU?”
My only chance
The only life I ever felt.
The only flutter that would ever give me joy
The anniversary of yet another suicide watch has begun.
The anniversary of the day my life turned dark once and for all.
The center of my world ripped away
Not the monsters
Not the taking
Not the inflicted pain
YOU
You leaving me ripped my heart in two
You leaving me hurt worse than all the tortuous pain
that the monsters ever dreamed up.
There is a hole in me
That I will one day fill
On the other side
Holding you in my arms
At Last!