Missing Someone You Never Met

I never met you
But I did
I never felt your touch
But I did
I never got to hear you laugh
But I did
I never got to see your smile
But I did
I never got to love you
But I DO
Time with you was brief
I felt so many things
You helped me grow
You made me sad
You pushed me to be more
You made me retreat into myself
You brought me new friends
You made me new enemies
I am always here
And I do see you in my dreams
I even think I feel you sometimes
Do you think about me too
Here or not, I love you
It is hard to be the one
Missing someone you never met

This post is kind of a two for one, because not only am I bearing my soul in a raw and vulnerable way through my own poetry. I am also going to share with you a beautiful handwritten copy or a poem that I purchased from the Master, DarkAngel. I decided I wanted this poem the night that I was sitting here at my desk actively grieving once again for the loss of my daughter. I opened my very worn copy of DA’s Dark Poetry: Volume 1 to a random page. This poem is where I landed. And I knew I had to have it. When I won a contest a few weeks later, I knew it was fate. This is what I did with it.

The shadow box holds not only the beautiful poem, but the shell that they used to baptize Marian before they cut her cord, and a coin that I have carried for years that inspired the tattoo that I got for her on my bicep.

So many people have told me to just “Get over it! It’s been 32 years!” Yes, it has been. 32 years since everything left good in me was taken from this earth. I lost something I never knew I really needed. And then was told that I would probably never have the opportunity to ever have it. It still REALLY freaking hurts some days to know that I wasn’t deemed good enough to be a Mom. But I have conjured children of sorts, by being a caretaker, a worrier, sometimes a problem solver, or just that one person you know will listen. And sometimes I even become(so I’m told) a protective overbearing Mother Hen! But I mean well. Because if you mean enough to me for me to try to protect you, the only thing that will take that away is to outright hurt me. After that, even though I can guarantee you that I will hurt worse than you, I will cut the ties. Second chances are always given. But you have to earn them after that.

Anyway….THAT kinda turned into an intense babble, but it is my freaking blog, so…..deal with it!! hahaha