Hello!

I have been MIA from this blog for awhile now.  Life changes, a LOT of stress, topped off with a dollop of depression and anxiety, and I honestly haven’t known which way was up for quite some time.  So this blog is really more of a personal message to those of you who are wondering what’s going on and where I’ve been.

BUT, I really want to share my gratitude with all of those who have not given up on me.  Because I am truly grateful for all the the support and encouragement that I have received from all of you.

I know that as an introvert and someone who withdraws from social interactions quickly, that I am often not the greatest friend. Yet I still have many people in my life who accept me for who I am and continue to support me. Even when I do things like duck out of parties because I don’t like the feeling of my nerves crawling throughout my body out of discomfort and my, possibly irrational, fear of never being good enough.

This has been a tough year for me.  And I am facing yet another failure.  I am not giving up, because I AM NOT A FAILURE, but I am reevaluating what I REALLY want out of the rest of my life.  I am thinking that finding ways to make my life simpler may be better for me.  Sometimes you CAN give up too much of yourself to the point that you forget to save anything for YOU!

So, My Friends, I appreciate all of you and lovingly accept your support and encouragement while I decide what is next for me.

A new job?

Changes at the studio?

Something TOTALLY different?

I am honestly not sure yet.

But I am keeping my heart, eyes, and ears open for the opportunity that I am sure is looking as hard for me as I am for it! 🙂

I have people all the time telling me that they just “CAN’T”.

I call Bull Spit!

You CAN, but you have to SHOW UP and make yourself a priority!

And the old saying, is 100% TRUE!

If you stop showing up for yourself because your journey doesn’t look like someone else’s, you are only robbing yourself of the joy that you could have if you keep reaching for your goals!

People think that their results are going to be the same as someone else’s who consistently SHOWS UP and puts in the work, even when they don’t give near that level of commitment.

And BELIEVE ME, I am saying this to myself as much as I do to others who need to hear it!  I have been continuously fighting my own demons.  Can’t seem to go more than a couple of days without wanting or needing alcohol or food to help me relax and wind down my day.  It’s a crutch, just like all excuses.  I use excess snacking and drinking as an excuse when I sit down to JUSTIFY taking a break. I know in my head this is wrong, but I do it anyway.  I don’t abuse food and alcohol BECAUSE I sit down, I abuse them to ALLOW myself to sit down.  I know it makes no sense, and I am working on it, but I do go into the next day ready to kick its ass!  Some days I win, some I lose.  But I SHOW UP and accept the outcome of MY actions!  My success or failure is on ME, no one else.  I don’t pretend that I have done everything perfect while putting back on some of this weight that I worked so very hard to get off.  But I do SHOW UP and do at least one good thing for myself every day.

I KNOW what to do.  I can tell others what to do and how to get success, because I have HAD success!  And I get that sometimes life gets in the way.  But when things don’t go your way, don’t blame the journey, unless you can say with absolute certainty, that you 100% committed and SHOWED UP!

I haven’t lately.  I admit it.

Stress.

Life situations.

Life seasons(MENOPAUSE AND HORMONES SUCK BTW!!!).

Addiction.

Fear.

Failure.

All of those have taken a toll on my health over the past 5 years.  I had reached a place of what I thought was success in my life and FREAKED OUT!

But when I look back, what made me successful, was consistency and doing things every day that I knew would bring me closer to my vision of success, which to me, is first and foremost being healthy enough to have the energy to take on other things in my life.  I started to veer away from those consistencies when I started allowing distractions to take me away from my habits.  Now I am once again addicted to my distractions.  But I am currently taking steps to help with that.  I am not going to be super forthcoming with these steps at this very moment, because I am doing them for ME and ONLY Me, but watch for future posts 🙂

And that is ALWAYS my biggest advice to anyone who asks me for it.  Make YOU a priority!  And SHOW UP for Yourself EVERY DAY!

And as always, MAKE TODAY GREAT! ❤

Good Monday Morning!!!

I WANT to feel like this~

But since I woke up thinking this~

I actually feel like this~

LOL!

BUT….since that isn’t possible, I have made up my mind to CRUSH this day!

So this is just a quick hello and Motivation Monday post to encourage you to CRUSH it with me! 🙂

If you are local, I have 4 spots open at Phoenix Fitness tonight for all 3 classes!  Come join us for some Fitness Fun 🙂

Check the website Home Page for the schedule and times, and message me on Facebook so I can reserve your spot!  I also have permanent spots open for August in ALL classes.

Guess that is all I got for you this morning, so let’s Get Out There And CRUSH This Monday!!!!

The last few weeks I have felt a shift in myself.  I have really been beating myself up for quite some time lately. And each time I think I am doing better, something else happens to pull me back down. I have had troubles accepting this season of my life.  I workout and, yes, I DO eat right most of the time.  Yet still I struggle with the greatest nemesis of my life, my weight.  I know now that I have not made time and taken enough time to rest, recover, relax, or even just breathe.  I am stressed most of the time. And up until my Sweet Emmy Lou died, I was averaging about 4 hours of sleep per night for the last 2-3 years.  I simply haven’t been doing very good on my self-care.  And in the meantime, have returned to some pretty toxic feelings of self-loathing and worse.  Add in some sneaky toxic people, and you have a pretty good recipe for a slippery slope back to depression and under rock dwelling 😦  But I REFUSE to reside there for too long EVER AGAIN!

Although it was a horrible and heart wrenching time for me, after I lost my sweet Emmy, I realized that it is time to start being nicer to ME in more ways than just starting to get a little more sleep.  I recently listened to a book about being healthy at any weight, and although I really agreed with so much of it, because I have had a horrible relationship with food all of my life, I am also not happy with where I am at now for ME!  Not to please anyone else.  Not to make myself feel worthy of love or friendship.  Not even for acceptance as a fitness professional.  You don’t HAVE to be a “Barbie” to be a FIT!  But I also know that with my knee problems, I feel a lot better about 40# lighter than I am right now.

But I will NOT be body shaming myself anymore!  And I will not tolerate anyone who thinks they have a right to talk about me or ANY ONE else in that way.  Either to our faces, OR behind our backs!  To them, I simply say F!U! Because they may think that beauty is about weight, but in my opinion, their ugly hearts are WAY uglier than my Big Butt, Thick Thighs, or Bulging Belly!

This is pretty much a TOTAL overhaul of the way I have thought and talked about myself for most of my life, so please be patient with me.  So if you see me struggling, saying a kind word would be appreciated.  Further criticism, or even unsolicited diet, nutrition, or fitness advice is NOT!  Following crappy advice and fad diets for research has also contributed to where I am now with a 100% jacked up metabolism!  It will NOT happen overnight, and I do not expect it to.  Neither should you!  So don’t assume that I have given up just because of what I LOOK like!  Sometimes the people that you think aren’t doing anything, are working harder than anyone else.  Or they have simply decided to believe in THEMSELVES more than what media and society tell them they should believe in.

I have been told SO MANY times in the last 2 years, that it is my age, or menopause, or stress.  And even though I do believe that all of those things have played a role in why I have “fallen” as some have said, you know what?  I have fallen before.  I have also gotten back up EVERY TIME!  If you think you know my whole story, I would like to know how, since it isn’t even close to being over yet! 😉

I GOT THIS!