I  know it’s been a long time since I have done a blog post, but I have been working hard just to keep myself and my business going lately.  Some internal, and some external, stresses have taken over a lot of space in my brain.  Including some Sadness caused partially by this HORRIBLE winter we seem to be having this year.  As I type this, it is 15°, feels like 1° with snow in the forecast again for this weekend.  But today, I have something to say, so I thought I would get it all off my chest.

#BeYourOwnHero

 

Yup!  Here we are.  At the beginning of yet another year.  Time to start fresh and new and find that energy and motivation that comes from something brand new.

I will be starting a new program with this guy, ShaunT, in a Test Group, so I am kind of excited about that.  But worried and nervous at the same time.  I keep saying 2019 is MY YEAR!  That I am going to DO IT again and not let my head and heart garbage hold me  back.  But I have said that before. I think it is FATE!  Back in July 2018 when I met ShaunT, we talked about the Phoenix and what it represents to us.  And his motto through this workout, Transform:20, seems to be transforming by choosing to RISE UP from where you are and getting the job done.  Sounds like exactly the kind of influence I need in my life right now 🙂 

And THEN, this morning as I got ready for work, I listened to Darren Daily as I always do, and he was taking about OWNING your life.  I have heard this from him before, but for some reason, as I pulled on my pants this morning over my seemingly ever growing belly and butt, I HEARD him

.

This weight problem of mine has NOTHING to do with menopause.  It has NOTHING to do with stress.  It has NOTHING to do with the crap that I have gone through over the past 5 years.  It came ONLY from my actions and reactions and lack of actions to all those situations over the past 5 years.  Which means it is ALL ON ME!

WELL….THAT SUCKS!

Yet it is also GREAT!  Because if I can F-up my weight/health this bad, I can also fix it up pretty good too.  In fact, I’ve done it before, so I KNOW I can!

So…today I take a step forward.  Tomorrow I will take another.  And Wednesday another.  And so on and so on.  I can’t change the fact that I dealt with some of my problems in recent years by drinking too much and binge eating.  I wish I could, but I can’t.  I wish I could tell you that although I eat healthy most of the time, workout religiously, and do my best to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night, that I could always handle the stress in my life in a healthier way.  But I can’t.

Starting today, with the help of an AWESOME group of women in my current support and accountability group, AND the Transform:20 Coach Test Group including ShaunT himself, I am going to grant myself grace to DO my very best and not beat myself up on days I fall short.  But making a concerted effort EVERY day to handling my stress better and not allowing my environment outside my body, rule the environment INSIDE!  Basically, negativity and other people’s bullshit is getting kicked to the curb for 2019!

Also, I am planning to deal with things like my finances and addiction to social media scrolling in a different way.  I’ll still be there(not going cold turkey) just working on not spending as much time watching other people live their lives, so that I can focus on other parts of my life 🙂

I do fully intend to make 2019 my B!#@H!!!

I WILL RISE UP!

OK, I know we still have 4 weeks to go, so please don’t misunderstand this post thinking I am going to quit for the next 25 days.  I will NOT be throwing in the towel on 2018!!!  I am just realistic that I am not, in fact COMMITTED, to a program right now.  That for me, usually means DISASTER!  But I am in a prep phase.  Because this email just came, and I am PUMPED!

If you don’t normally follow me, you may not know that I got to meet and talk with ShaunT in July.  It was a very inspirational, motivational, and on my part EMOTIONAL meeting.  I felt his words so deep into my core.  I felt that he TRULY believed in me and what I was doing and what I stand for!  But here it is, 5 months later, and I am STILL holding myself back!  I haven’t lost any weight since then, in fact I have gained back most of what I lost last year doing 80DO!  I workout a minimum of 5 days a week.  I PUSH!  I GO HARD!  I CHALLENGE MYSELF!  And then I eat TOO MUCH!  Not ALL the time, but I am a huge stress and emotional eater, and the last few years have been PACKED with it!  I also eat when I sit down to rest.  I use it as an excuse to sit down, because I feel guilty if I sit down just because I am tired and need to rest!  Add in some other health stuff, and you have me looking at the scale, AND at the mirror, seeing that I could honestly stand to lose 50# again! Not just because I prefer looking a certain way and the superficial vanity of it all(However….the “Damn You Got HOT!” comments are NICE 😉 ) but also because of my family health history.  I have more to do with this life, and I can’t do that if I am sick or dead!

As I sit here at work today, I was thinking about what exactly my goals are going to be for 2019.  So I opened Beachbody On Demand to take a peek at what was on there so far for Transform:20, since the VIP Early Access Launch isn’t actually until Jan 15th, and ended up watching the first episode of Transform with Shaun T.

The cast’s stories, and Shaun’s story, got me even more excited about starting this particular chapter of my journey.  I am so good at finding every fault and negative thing about myself, yet would never accept that kind of self loathing actions from anyone around me.  I have been working very hard at loving me NOW, and not waiting until I get back to where I want to be physically.  My physical self is NOT all there is to me.  But in the fitness profession, I know that my physical self is my biggest marketing tool for my personal brand, and right now, my marketing needs HELP!    So I am going to accept the help of Shaun T and the thousands of coaches and VIP members in the Exclusive Test Group.  Want to join me, message me at bodybybrendat@outlook.com, and I will get you hooked up with all the tools you need to start prepping and be ready to jump in on January 7th for Prep Week.  OR sooner, if you need a little extra preparation, and want to prep with me 🙂  I am going to be doing these workouts in the early AM, which is NOT my cup of tea, so I have to start working on getting up earlier again 😛 And by December 17th, my plan is to be working out BY 6:15 AM!  Yes, that IS early for me, because I work evenings, so I don’t usually go to bed until after 11PM.  

So, keep your eyes peeled, because this is going to be a straight up, 100% truthful and transparent experience for me!  My hope is that the accountability gets me and KEEPS me fired up!  Time to Conquer my MIND, so I can once and for all, Transform my LIFE!

DECIDE. COMMIT. SUCCEED!

I was just listening to a mentor of mine on a Facebook Live business meeting, and he said the phrase, “It is easier to Give Birth than it is to Raise The Dead!”

OMG!  Talk about the EXACT thing I needed to hear!

And BEFORE anyone who loves me and reads this jumps to any conclusions, I am FINE!  I just need to learn when it is time to let some things go so I can move forward in a MORE Positive Light! ❤ 

Recently, I have been feeling very defeated and lost.  ESPECIALLY in my businesses!  I keep chasing after the same people, because they said they would be there.  And my heart WANTS to still help them, that is why I do what I do!  Well……sometimes life happens, sometimes feelings and/or loyalties change, and sometimes people simply decide you aren’t worth their time anymore.  Isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just the facts of life AND/OR business! 

Not everyone is a fit for your life.  And not everyone who says they are your friend or colleague really wants to see you succeed.  It could be many things.  Jealousy? Fear of Change? Misunderstanding? Drifting apart? Different Goals?  Different priorities? MANY Things!  And although it is sometimes difficult to remember, not everyone wants to be, or for that fact, BELONGS in your circle.  What DOES matter is learning your own worth.  And remembering that when others don’t see your worth, THAT’S OK!  They simply weren’t meant to be part of your life.  At least not forever.  maybe they were there for a learning season of your life.  And seasons inevitably change.

 

I have been chasing after the same people for months.  Some for YEARS!  But today I realized that if I need to chase them, that they may not be my people.  I miss some people SO MUCH that it is hard for me to let go, but if they don’t want to be a part my world enough to actually be here, then maybe I need to stop begging them to be a part of it.

That is a HARD pill for me to swallow!  Believe me!  I HATE giving up on people, because I am an eternal optimist and BELIEVE that there is good in everyone, and that their good should mesh with MY good.  But that is not how it always works out.  So I have to learn to let them go and just BREATHE.

Sometimes that means let go forever, sometimes that means that a person slips from one part of your life to another.   A loved one becomes a friend.  A friend becomes an acquaintance.  An acquaintance becomes someone you say hi to in public. Or a colleague becomes someone who doesn’t give you the time of day.  It’s OK!  Not everyone was meant to be part of your life forever!  If you get a few of those in your lifetime, consider yourself LUCKY!

Many times in my life, I have looked at letting go as a personal failure.   Even when I knew it was best for me and/or the other person.  Let go of one of the greatest loves of my life that way.  And I truly felt that I had failed at life and may never be given a second chance. 

I myself often feel personal responsibility and guilt for people leaving me.  Thinking it HAD to be something I did!  HAD to be something deeply unlikable about me.  But it is destructive having that low of an opinion of yourself.  As a kid, I was once told that it was my fault that my family wasn’t in a better place.  That my “mental” issues were more of an inconvenience, and not the deeply disturbing situation that they were to me. Not only at the time, but for my entire life.  In my head, lives a constant reminder that I was at one time told that I was “THE problem”. I know I made life more difficult, but feeling like a disappointment and that the burden of all life’s happiness was taken away because I ruined it by having “problems”, lead to a life of me trying to win people’s love and sometimes fight to win it BACK!  But learning that sometimes you have to know when it is time to let go so the energy wasted on trying to raise the dead can be focused towards giving birth to the new.  

Yeah.

OK!

I heard the audible groans come from all over as soon as you read that title.

But this is about just that!  NOT wanting to workout.

Maybe you don’t like to sweat.

Maybe you feel you are TOO out of shape to even start.

Maybe you are overweight, and the feeling of your excess jiggle jiggling just grosses you out(Been there and back again!).

Maybe you lack motivation.

Maybe you simply don’t see the point because your progress is always too slow because you can’t be PERFECT!

Maybe you hate cardio, but heard that lifting weights will make you bulky! (BIGGEST MYTH EVER!!! 😡 )

Maybe you are afraid!  Afraid you won’t be able to keep up or maybe afraid that you will look stupid!  So you are going to do a bunch of research FIRST and then you will start.

One of my all time favorites – SOMEONE ELSE TOLD YOU YOU COULDN’T!!!!

OR MAYBE you simply don’t know where to start!

All of these are only EXCUSES that you put in your own mind to keep you from facing this fear.  And all they are doing is holding you back from being your healthiest and best you.  Often we think it is outside circumstances holding us back, but if you REALLY Dig Deep, we usually find out that our biggest saboteur is US!

And although I own Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT in Fowler, IL and am a Beachbody Coach, and would LOVE to help you personally on your journey, but if having an accountability and support group and/or a trainer/coach/mentor isn’t your thing, and you prefer to do it on your own, the DO IT!!!!  DON’T let your excuses be the thing that stops you before you ever even start!  A health and fitness journey is hard enough without giving yourself false reasons to hold you back before you ever even start.

And message me if you are interested in what my studio has to offer, online help, or if you are simply looking for an online support group who could help you stay accountable.  You can find me on Facebook and IG, or go to www.bodybybrendat.net/contact

 

We all go through seasons in our lives.  And sometimes, life gets you feeling like you are the losing monkey in the WORST EVER Monkey Poo Fight in the Zoo Monkey House!  Some of you know what I am talking about. 

But we need to do our best to keep moving forward.

And then you have those times when a season seems to take hold.  Take over even!  Make all of your hard work seem like it was for nothing.  THAT is kind of where I have been for awhile now.  And I have done my best to stay positive, but I do struggle with some depression, stress, sadness, and anxiety, so when I feel like I have failed, ALL the feelings come RUSHING in!  Am I a FAILURE?  NO!  Absolutely not!  But those demons in my head have been screaming pretty loud lately.

And I know you have heard me say it before, but I am REALLY not enjoying this whole early menopause thing! UGH!  My hormones seem to be all over the place.  I can be having the time of my life one minute, and one simple comment or action can make me feel like the most unloved, unworthy, unwanted person alive. 

Being someone who has struggled with being suicidal for most of their life, those feelings piss me off!  I don’t like feeling like that.  I KNOW I am a good person.  I KNOW I have so much to offer people.  But when these feelings arise, and I feel worthless, what am I doing for anyone?

Some say that sharing my whole life shows my vulnerability and “human-ness”.  I am human, and I do have problems.  But some of my problems, struggles, and TRIUMPHS over them have made me the strong woman that I am today!

I tried to leave this world multiple times when I was only 9 years old.  God wouldn’t take me.  So WHY did he leave me here?  I believe there was a REAL reason.  I am 47, closing in on 50, and still haven’t truly found it yet. 

But even though I still have days where I wonder if things would have been better had I succeeded 38 years ago, I then think of the people who tell me that I AM an inspiration to them.  That I show them even during a setback, that it is possible to KEEP WORKING!  That it is possible to still put a smile on my face and look for the positives in life!  Because they ARE out there.  There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.  Don’t believe me?  God WANTED you to wake up this morning, so you DID!  He has a plan for you!  You DO have a purpose!  And so do I! 

Some days you may feel like you don’t have purpose, but please believe that every day, someone is thankful for you!  Someone is praying for you!  And if you are reading this, I can guarantee this that you are someone I am grateful for.

Fitness has been my catalyst into working on more of myself.  My deeper self.  I work very hard on the things I CAN control.  My fitness, and as of this week, the return of working on my nutrition.  If either of those things are of interest to you, whether you are a customer of mine or not, I encourage you to join my Virtual Gym Support Group.  You can find a link to the Facebook Group here.  Request to join, and if we are not Facebook friends, watch for a message from me shortly after, because I have VERY strict NO BULLY policies, and need everyone who comes in to realize that NO amount of ugliness will be tolerated, just like it is at my physical studio, Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT.

Talk to you all soon ❤

 

OK, so I KNOW what you are doing.  I could do it too to be honest.  I am ONLY 3# under where I was on January 13th as I am today.  I started the year AWESOME, and even lost a few lbs and had some progress.  Then, you know what happened?  LIFE!

Yup.  Stress of owning a business.  Anxiety of not feeling like I am good enough to do what I do.  Home stress. Job stress. Even struggled with overwhelming sadness and feeling like I couldn’t tell a soul about it, because I am supposed to always be the happy, positive one.  Well, since a perfect life probably doesn’t actually exist, I’ll be honest, I am NOT always happy.  I do NOT always feel like leading a workout, going to my day job, or even getting out of bed for that fact!  I do my best to pull myself up by my boot straps, put on a happy face and get on with it, but let’s be realistic, being “ON” up to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, in and of itself, is hard sometimes.  Add other life things and raging menopause hormones that you aren’t always sure what to do with, and it can be a struggle sometimes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do it, because I KNOW once I start, I will feel better.  The endorphins that come from exercise always help cheer me up!

Besides, I LOVE what I do!

But sometimes when we stress, we stop doing some things that we KNOW we should be doing.  Like cutting alcohol down to a minimum, not eating sweets, and NOT medicating our emotions with FOOD!

Today is 

Do you know what that means?

NO, not that it is 5 days til Halloween.  Not that it is less than a month til Thanksgiving.  AND NO….Definitely NOT that it is 2 months til Christmas.

It means that you have 66 days to work on your 2018 goals.  OK, we will take off one day for Thanksgiving and 2 days for Christmas, and even 3 random days for Holiday parties.  That leaves 60 DAYS to work on your goals!

 

NO EXCUSES!

What Are YOU Going to Do About It???

Let me know if you need some help! ❤

OK, so by that title, you probably think this is going to be all rainbows and puppies.

NOT how I feel right this moment, but trying to see the all the positives that are possible from this change.  If you have followed me for any length of time, you know that as a childless woman, I met an AMAZING Mom a few years ago who became a VERY close friend.  So close, that she started referring to me as her beautiful daughter’s Bonus Mom.  And that little girl, in essence, became my Best Friend. ❤

This is She and I at a Kickpics Photo shoot 2 years ago.

Last night, our embrace was filled with less happy emotions.  LOTS of tears 😥

You see, I will not get to see her as often, because she and her Mom are moving away.  And it is going to be HARD!  I will miss them both HORRIBLY!

BUT…..I know this is good for them!  It is a chance at a new beginning for my dear friend who needs, and DESERVES, to close a toxic chapter in her life!  And I 100% understand and support her in that change.  Will it be a difficult transition?  Will it still hurt sometimes?  Will it take TIME?  YES!!!

But to be a good friend, I have to recognize that this is what is best.  It is not like I will never see or speak to them again, just a little less.

My message today, is that sometimes the very BEST change for someone else, may hurt those left behind.  But we have to make sure we are never holding someone back from living their happiest life.  We will adjust.  We can make it through.  And if we stay positive and try to see their change as something good, maybe we will realize that they are here to lead as an example to us.  Maybe their change could inspire a change in ourselves to work towards living our very best lives too.  Because I don’t know about you, but I could use “stepping it up” a bit 😉

So although I will miss my dear friends, I will ALWAYS wish them the Greatest Happiness in their lives.

So even if adventures like these are fewer and farther in between, we will always hold these memories in our hearts, right next to the loving friendship that will never die!

Amazing what kind of friendships can grow from a simple little Dance Fitness class ❤

Enjoy your next chapter, My Friend!   And I WILL see you soon ❤

THAT, My Friends, is the answer to the question, “What should I use for motivation?”

PERIOD!

Are you healthy?

Then eat right and exercise!

Are you at your goal weight?

Then eat right and exercise!

Are you happy with YOU?

Then eat right, exercise, and add some wonderful Personal Development books! *I can recommend a few of my personal favorites if you don’t know what a good PD book even is.*

Yes, I do know that the above is a bit cliche’, but I don’t really care.  It is 100% the TRUTH!

Here is a bit of MY truth if you don’t know it.

10 years ago this week, I was 35# down from my highest weight of 296#, and no one had even noticed! I was practically starving myself, and knew I was on yet another road to failure! No one even knew I was trying to lose weight.  I had not declared that I was on a health journey, because I just knew I was going to fail.  On September 16, 2008, I watched the Season 6 Premier of Biggest Loser, like I ALWAYS did, but something felt different in me this time.  I had already seen the number on the scale go down some, so why not go for it.  I joined an online community, and went on to lose another 110# to see my lowest weight.  But I still didn’t look like what I was aiming for.  So I started lifting more weights and doing a little less cardio.  I gained back about 20# of solid muscle and dropped another 2 sizes!

This pic was taken around that time. Man my hair was short! LOL!

Now, over the past few years, some BIG stresses, some tragic distractions, some “not so smart on my part” experimenting with different diet theories, and simply getting older and entering menopause, has lead me to where I am now dealing with some metabolic/hormonal issues along with a significant weight gain.  Today, I weighed in at 205#. I am still mortified by that number, but it is also unfortunately NOT the highest I have seen over the past few months.  I know that this leg of my journey is going to be a rough one!  Y’All KNOW I work hard, so that number does NOT and WILL NOT, define Me!

But what I KNOW works, is not something I have stuck with as I experimented with the many trends that I tell people to stay away from, but had to prove it to myself.

And what is MY MOTIVATION to return to what I know works?

ME!

MY HEALTH!

MY DESIRE TO BE BACK IN A SIZE 6!

MY WANTING TO FEEL STRONG AND POWERFUL AGAIN!

So, maybe those aren’t YOUR reasons.  Maybe you could care less about being a size 6.  To be honest, it was never my goal either!  A size 12 was.  And even right now, where I am currently, I am wearing mostly 10’s and have caught myself hating on me and beating myself up.  To that I now call BS!

And I had to look long and hard into the mirror and find MY MOTIVATION!  And it was staring back at me!  I see the barrel around my midsection.  CLASSIC Diabetes body.  I can feel my blood pressure rise sometimes and see my ankles and hands swell along with that heavy feeling after a hard move in a workout.  Classic heart disease signs.  These 2 diseases plague my family!  It is imperative that I take control again.

THAT is what MOTIVATES ME!

So, I ask you, do you need me screaming in your face and dropping some TOUGH LOVE down on you?

If so, I do both in person classes and training AND online coaching.

But I am here to tell you that all the coaching and knowledge in the world will not help if you are not ready to commit to Yourself!  If you can’t look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What am I waiting for?  WHY do I continue to do this to myself?”  and come to the conclusion that you are READY to LIVE your healthiest life by making more good choices than bad and showing up ready to do WORK!

So, I tell you all of this to let you know that just because I am not where I want to be, does not mean that I am not working for it.  I AM!  If you come to any of my classes, you KNOW that to be true!  And today, I challenge you to put in the work to make YOU feel better.  I would love to, but I can’t do the work for you.  Here is what I am doing because it is what has worked for me in the past, and I just need to be patient and put in the work.

I am eating right approximately 80% of the time.

I workout a minimum of 4 days a week.

I lean on MY support group when I need some accountability or need to vent or need someone to be there to either help or even just listen while I talk something out.

And, this just in, I am learning how to REST!  My recovery time, or lack thereof, has been a big part of my current issues.  So I am learning to make some time for it again.

So, now that you know Your Motivation comes from within and has been there all along, you just needed to look for it…..

What’s Your Plan?

Let me know if I can help! ❤

I have been beating myself up again lately.  You see, I started LIIFT4 with Joel Freeman, and at that time had every intention of doing all 32 workouts.  And at first, the getting up early was going OK.  And I even started to feel stronger.  But around week 5, I noticed that a few things were “off”.  I was cranky.  I felt weak.  I was tired.  I was having trouble getting through not only MY workouts, but the classes I teach each night at Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT.  Which in and of itself makes me feel like a failure, because I need to be 100% there to lead my students.  So that was really bothering me.

Week 6, I was on vacation from my day job, but I was actually physically busier than when I work, and I was NOT getting up early when I finally had time to get some decent sleep!  So, my only workouts were my classes that I still taught 4 out of 5 of the normally scheduled days. Which unfortunately means that I did not stay on track with LIIFT4, and then did not go back to it after I went back to work to finish the last 2 weeks.

Did I fail?

To complete that particular program, yes.

But did I really fail?

I don’t think so.  Why? Because I did learn some valuable training tips from Joel, and I learned the MAIN GOAL of LIIFT4!  That you CAN do this AMAZING program even with a busy lifestyle, because it is sustainable!

But for ME personally, I was WAY overdoing it!  For the 6 weeks that I was doing LIIFT4, I was working out a minimum of 10 hours a week!  And with choreography and Insanity LIVE and Country Heat LIVE practice, it was more like 12-15!  And if you have ever been to one of my classes, you know that I teach best by doing and giving it 110% of MY Best!

Does that sound like a lot?  Maybe not to some of you, but remember, I also work a full time job, have a husband and 5 furkids to take care of, plus all the financials for both my business AND my home, AND I am a Beachbody Coach!  I have been spreading myself too thin.  And I have known this is the reason/cause of my adrenal fatigue for awhile, but I just keep pushing! And I am now recognizing that it is time to stop.

A word that I have to return to is SUSTAINABLE!  What I was doing was NOT sustainable for me.  It is going to take awhile to heal, and I know that, but learning to chill a bit, has been a struggle for me.  I feel like I am letting someone down if I don’t try to do it all.  But doing it in exchange of my health, can’t happen any more.

So, first up to go was my extra morning workout.  Yup!  They had to go.  At this time I am down to approximately 7.5 hours of working out, plus learning how to mark things better for choreography instead of doing everything FULL OUT!

Next, will be lowering my weights in my resistance classes.  It is tough for me to watch my students lift more than me, but that is my stupid EGO getting in the way!  Time to also LET THAT GO!

 

So, that makes this an opportunity for me to do some learning about ME!

So, as one failure passes, a new opportunity to do it right has begun again! 🙂