I have been beating myself up again lately.  You see, I started LIIFT4 with Joel Freeman, and at that time had every intention of doing all 32 workouts.  And at first, the getting up early was going OK.  And I even started to feel stronger.  But around week 5, I noticed that a few things were “off”.  I was cranky.  I felt weak.  I was tired.  I was having trouble getting through not only MY workouts, but the classes I teach each night at Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT.  Which in and of itself makes me feel like a failure, because I need to be 100% there to lead my students.  So that was really bothering me.

Week 6, I was on vacation from my day job, but I was actually physically busier than when I work, and I was NOT getting up early when I finally had time to get some decent sleep!  So, my only workouts were my classes that I still taught 4 out of 5 of the normally scheduled days. Which unfortunately means that I did not stay on track with LIIFT4, and then did not go back to it after I went back to work to finish the last 2 weeks.

Did I fail?

To complete that particular program, yes.

But did I really fail?

I don’t think so.  Why? Because I did learn some valuable training tips from Joel, and I learned the MAIN GOAL of LIIFT4!  That you CAN do this AMAZING program even with a busy lifestyle, because it is sustainable!

But for ME personally, I was WAY overdoing it!  For the 6 weeks that I was doing LIIFT4, I was working out a minimum of 10 hours a week!  And with choreography and Insanity LIVE and Country Heat LIVE practice, it was more like 12-15!  And if you have ever been to one of my classes, you know that I teach best by doing and giving it 110% of MY Best!

Does that sound like a lot?  Maybe not to some of you, but remember, I also work a full time job, have a husband and 5 furkids to take care of, plus all the financials for both my business AND my home, AND I am a Beachbody Coach!  I have been spreading myself too thin.  And I have known this is the reason/cause of my adrenal fatigue for awhile, but I just keep pushing! And I am now recognizing that it is time to stop.

A word that I have to return to is SUSTAINABLE!  What I was doing was NOT sustainable for me.  It is going to take awhile to heal, and I know that, but learning to chill a bit, has been a struggle for me.  I feel like I am letting someone down if I don’t try to do it all.  But doing it in exchange of my health, can’t happen any more.

So, first up to go was my extra morning workout.  Yup!  They had to go.  At this time I am down to approximately 7.5 hours of working out, plus learning how to mark things better for choreography instead of doing everything FULL OUT!

Next, will be lowering my weights in my resistance classes.  It is tough for me to watch my students lift more than me, but that is my stupid EGO getting in the way!  Time to also LET THAT GO!

So, that makes this an opportunity for me to do some learning about ME!

So, as one failure passes, a new opportunity to do it right has begun again! 🙂

We all have times when we start questioning choices we have made in our lives.  And right now, I am not going to lie, is one of those times in my life.  Which unfortunately, also makes me think of my past and wonder if those who said I would never be enough and would continue to fail at everything, were right. Have I internalized their words so much, that even after all these years, they will win?

I would like to believe the answer is NO.  But some parts of my life are signalling differently.  And as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, “The bad stuff is easier to believe.”  When I feel like things are going great, I am skeptical.  When I feel like things are going bad, my brain says, “SEE!  That’s what they told you would happen.  You will never be enough to get it right.”

WHY am I feeling like this right now? I look back to where I was 5-6 years ago, and things were MUCH different with my finances, my health and even the way I looked!  Does the way I look thing make me egotistical, maybe, but that isn’t even why I refer to it. When asked by a friend of his, if my Dad was proud of me when I lost 148# and ran a marathon, he said, and I quote, “I’ll be proud of her if she actually keeps it off!  Otherwise, it is actually just another failed attempt.”  Weeeelllllll…..guess what?  I didn’t keep it all off.  I am still down over 90#, but I feel like a failure.  And I can feel his disappointment deep inside.

It is often hard to believe in yourself when this is the demon living in your head.

But then…..I think about all that I HAVE Accomplished, despite being made to think that I would never be good enough.

I AM a Childless Mother who still gets out of bed each day.

I AM a Survivor!

And I AM ENOUGH!

I DID lose 148#!

I DID work my butt off to put on 22# of solid muscle and take my BF% down to <20%.

I DID run a marathon at 40 years old after 3 back surgeries and a spinal fusion.

I DID keep over 100# of that weight off for nearly 9 years.

I DID open a rural fitness studio and keep the doors open for nearly 2 years now despite only ONE person from my small town ever stepping foot in the door!

SO I am NOT a Failure!

Have I failed at things?  ABSOLUTELY!

But I am NOT a Failure!  And although sometimes I need to think about it long enough to get good and mad enough to prove people wrong to get back on track, I NEVER give up completely!  Otherwise I would be as unhealthy as I was in May 2008, worrying about pre-diabetes and colon cancer, and weighing in around 296#!  And if you follow me at all, you know that I still workout, I still eat well most of the time, and I hurt myself the most by not resting enough! THAT is a big one that I am working on now!  Sleep and downtime!

So, in summary, this blog post was simply my way of talking to myself back into caring about and believing in myself enough to keep going. Sometimes, life gets you down.  You just have to make sure you are strong enough to get back up no matter what!

We all struggle.  We all have things or times in our lives that make us feel like we are being pulled back, held back, or even beaten back to the wall.  But just think of the greatness that will follow once it has been drawn back all the way and then allowed to fly!

I no longer look at slip ups, failures, screw ups, or even down right meltdowns, as 100% bad anymore.  Because maybe that just wasn’t MY thing.  Maybe it just wasn’t MY time.  I do my best and think I am pretty good at what I do, but I am still not what most people would call successful, because I don’t make a lot of money.  But I think that part of my life could still be on the horizon.  For now, I have some great friends, and some AMAZING students and clients, and I will keep being my best for them while working hard to keep my head up and above water.

So as I keep getting pulled back, I will just keep thinking of how high I am going to go when this time of tension is over and I get to fly!

I would love to tell you that my life is actually like all of the happy and positive posts that I share daily on Social Media.  But truth be told, they are as much to inspire and motivate myself as they are for those who follow me.  Life is very rarely Rainbows and Unicorns, but I try to make the best of it each day.

Today is more of a Dark Clouds and Trolls kinda day.  Why?  Because I am battling some pain.  I deal with pain on a daily basis, so if I actually get to the point of admitting it outloud, then you best believe that I HURT!  But it is mostly arthritic pain, stronger than normal back pain, and muscle soreness from falling yesterday.  So what did I do when my alarm went off at 5:30AM today?  I started by rotating my wrists and ankles 10 times each way, stretched my hands, back, and legs, did some hamstring and quad exercises that I learned from a PT years ago, and finally got out of bed around 5:45.  Let the dogs out, fed them, and then went across the street to the studio to workout.  Did Wk2 D1 of LIIFT4 – Chest and Triceps, with weights going from 12#-25#, and then went back to the house to get ready for work.  You see, often, I find that I hurt worse when I don’t try to get my body moving.  When I first woke up, believe me, I thought about it.  Calling into work and calling off classes.  Everyone would understand, right?  But how would that have helped me MOVE?

I also feel like crud, because I ate my emotions all weekend.  YUP!  I had a really bad nutrition weekend.  It happens.  More often than I would like recently to be honest.  But I wake the next day ready to embrace the challenges again.  Every day isn’t a success, but every day can LEAD to the next successful day.

So when a bad day takes you over body, mind, and soul, do your very best to let it go and be open to the next day being better!

But no matter what each day brings, when you are looking in the mirror and hating everything you see, STOP!  And consciously give yourself a bit of LOVE.  Because you can’t soar at life if you don’t first learn to F.L.Y.!

MAKE TODAY GREAT!

Let’s start this a few months back, when my friend Beverly posted in a Coach Facebook Group about ShaunT HIMSELF coming to St Louis to do an Insanity LIVE training.  I was like….Well…..I haven’t actually even done Insanity, and not real sure it is something I could sell OR EVEN TEACH FOR THAT MATTER, in my small rural gym.  But I believe in going to live training events for my business, and anything that you just want to be better at, so I decided to sign up.  Not really sure if I would like it, or EVER teach it.

But come this past Saturday morning, I got in my car and drove to St Louis.  Excited, scared, nervous, having anxiety about my jacked up knee and how much I would have to modify, and very unsure of where my life was actually heading after this day.  But I chose to do my best to keep an open mind and a positive attitude.

WELL….Let me tell you……Saturday changed my out look on MANY things!

THE FIRST being, this man is AMAZING! 

Even MORE AMAZING than I thought before.  I have always adored him and loved his dance programs, and to hear him speak, has always been one of my favorite things about going to Coach Summit.  He just has a way of speaking that touches me to my core.  And Saturday was NO EXCEPTION!

By the end of the day, between him and the AWESOME Chip Hoffa, Master Trainer, I was EXHAUSTED!  But I was also a Certified Insanity LIVE Instructor!

AND even more importantly, I had a revived feeling of excitement about not only the future of my studio and fitness classes, but of my own health and fitness journey.  I CAN DO HARD THINGS!

I felt ALIVE!

And I even felt more ready to start the new program I started Monday, LIIFT4 with Joel Freeman on Beachbody On Demand.  And so far, I am SORE AF, but I am LOVING it!  Remember I am a Fitness Professional, and we are all a bit twisted! LOL!

So if you are local to me, watch my schedule for Insanity LIVE classes as early as the first week of August, which you can find on My Google Calendar!  And even if you are not, keep tabs on my fitness journey and what I am up to next on IG – @bodybybrendat or on Facebook, you can find me at Body By BrendaT or Phoenix Fitness With Body By BrendaT.

MAKE TODAY GREAT!

ON EDIT….I wanted to add this post from my Facebook Page to help share with you WHY this Saturday meant so much to me.

ody By BrendaT is with Shaun T.

YES, that includes ME!  That is why I am excited to bring to you a fellow NASM CPT’s new program!  Yes, LIIFT4 from Beachbody Super Trainer, and my virtual buddy 😉 , Joel Freeman!

OK, I know that I seem to be excited about ALL new Beachbody programs, but with my busy life, LIIFT4 is seriously my kind of workout!  30-40 minute workouts 4 days a week??? UHHHH…..YES PLEASE!!!

As a Beachbody Coach, I often feel guilty that I don’t have time to actually do many of our programs.  I teach about 10 hours of fitness classes each week, have PT clients, run Phoenix Fitness With Body By BrendaT fitness studio on my own, am a Beachbody Coach, have a family(yes, the kids all have fur!), and work full time.  That doesn’t leave too much time to do a 60 minute workout every day without sacrificing sleep.  Which you NEED to repair and recover from doing hard workouts!  In fact, I have learned over the past 18 months, that my being a sleep martyr does absolutely NO GOOD for anyone.  It causes illness, hormonal imbalance, and can actually BACKFIRE as far as fitness goal are concerned.  In the last 3 weeks, since I have been getting more sleep, I haven’t lost much fat yet, but my muscle tone is finally starting to take better shape again!

My point of this post…

I want EVERYONE who says they don’t have time for exercise to hit me up, because we ALL(even me with my schedule) have 2-2.5 hours a week that we can dedicate to our health and fitness without sacrificing sleep or even family time.  I know this, because I bet this blog isn’t the ONLY thing you have read on the internet today!  Am I right???

Here is a quick video from Mr Joel Freeman himself showing you a bit about the program.

So after watching that, if you are ready to build lean muscle and burn fat in just 4 days a week with Super Trainer, Joel Freeman, and his newest no-nonsense workout program. You will lift.  You will HIIT.  You will build lean muscle. AND You will burn fat!  THEN, you will rest on 3 scheduled recovery days.

LIIFT4 fully launches exclusively on Beachbody On Demand on October 1st.

BUT…..but LIIFT4 will be available for sale for VIP Early Access on June 11th, 2018 with a completion pack including the digital unlock, for Beachbody On Demand All Access Members, with the workouts for the VIP Early Access actually going live on July 16th. 

Message me TODAY to get on my VIP wait list & get first access on June 11 AND The special SURPRISE Sneak Peek on Monday, June 4th!!!

Email – bodybybrendat@outlook.com

Facebook Messenger  – Body By BrendaT or Phoenix Fitness with Body By BrendaT

Text your email and any questions to 217-316-0683