WHAT??? I am NOT a perfect Fitness Model???

Guess what?




And I am OK with that!

ok not perfect

Now time for some cold, hard, tough-love TRUTHS!

I don’t take unsolicited criticism about my personal life OR my weight very well.  Actually I don’t think I am the exception to the rule here, I think that is pretty much just the way that it is!  If I don’t specifically ask for your opinion, I probably don’t want it.   I have had a rough couple of years, as many of you know.  And I have worked my booty off to hold everything together and am currently working on getting both my nutrition and my fitness back on track.  I share my struggles openly, not because I am asking for advice, but so that others see that they are not alone, and that there is HOPE!  I LOVE the accountability and support that I have gotten from many people in my life.  And I know you can feel it coming, so here it is……

BUT…….  There are also people in my life who think they can “fix” my problems by pointing out that I am NOT PERFECT!  Criticism is NOT a motivator for me!  And if ANYONE EVER touches my fat again to point out that I have some to lose…..I don’t care how close I am to them, they are freaking going down!  That is NOT acceptable behavior from ANYONE in my eyes!

And even though you didn’t ask for it, here is a little history on WHY this upsets me so much.  Between the ages of about 5 and 10 years old, EVERY time I went to my pediatrician, he would poke me in the belly, touching my fat, and saying in his thick Indian accent, “Brenda a little too fat!  Brenda need to be on diet!”  From that day on, I find it an EXCEPTIONAL insult when people touch my muffin top, belly rolls, or God forbid, my BACK FAT or BUTT!!!!  Sure, these days there is less of it, but it really is still no less offensive.  It isn’t “cute”, it isn’t “funny”, and it was recently one of the many poor judgment qualities that caused me to release someone from my life.  I have been made to feel bad for being me for too much of my life.  I am now 44 years old, I am a big girl, and I respect ME!!!  I don’t deserve for anyone to make me feel bad about being me!   And NO ONE has that power UNLESS I give it to them!  And guess what I am NOT going to do? 😉

focus on good

If you want to help me, please focus on what good I have done, and not on my flaws.  Trust me that the little voice in my head does a better job than you could ever dream of doing.  And YES, I do actively work on improving my mindset EVERY day!

moon and stars

I am aware that things about me are not perfect.  I have never claimed to be.  I am not a doll, I am a real live girl! LOL! One with setbacks and struggles and yes, a muffin top!  But you know what?  I am OK with where I am in my life!  I work hard.  I am fit.  I eat right.  And I have some wonderful people in my life who know to just be there for me while I work through things!  I know they are there if I need help or if I need to have a meltdown, and I appreciate them greatly!


And one other thought before I sign off…


So when someone is pointing out all your faults and everything you are doing wrong, remember that that says WAY MORE about them and their current situation than it does you and yours!



Be The Light You Are Looking For

It has not only been the struggle with my weight that I have been fighting recently.  I have been having some heart ripping struggles from within and some from external sources that have been tearing me apart.  I actually said to someone today that maybe the only way to protect my heart is to become a Heartless B!^@#.

But that just isn’t ME!  I am a loving person who wears her heart on her sleeve, maybe a little too often.  I feel guilty for having “bad days” because I feel I shouldn’t ever have bad days!  But you know what?  I have them!  And even though I can slap a big old fake smile on with the best of them, when someone says something hurtful to me, I HURT!  To the core!  I have had confidence problems from some pretty LOUSY things that were done and said to me as a child, and still struggle with acceptance.  From others AND of MYSELF!

Some who don’t understand what I have been going through keep pushing me to get past it and keep myself busy with work and anything else to keep my mind off of my problems.  But that doesn’t make the problems go away.  That doesn’t make the feelings magically GO AWAY!

Then I reflected back to my work over the last month with Dr Mcayla, and that I should NOT suppress my feelings, but to embrace them, feel them, deal with them.  They are MINE!  They are not wrong.  If I am hurt, I can feel that hurt.  If I am sad, I am allowed to be sad.  If I am angry, I CAN be angry.  And if I feel I have been wronged, that it is not my job to make the person who wronged me feel better.

But right now, what I feel is TIRED!  I am tired of living in this darkness.  Just when I thought it was all starting to fade away, my heart is breaking again!  But as I listened to my next session this morning on clarity, I realized that it is only my responsibility to make my own light.  And one way for me to do that is to continue to love and be loved and to realize that not everyone is going to like me and that is OK.  It is on me to make Me happy, and if I can share some of that happiness with even one other person, than I am doing what God put me here to do.  And those who choose to not see my light and its worth in the darkness, then that’s OK too.  Not everyone is meant to be in everyone else’s life.  We are all different, and if I am not someone’s cup of tea, it really is OK!  And I should not change to be something else that someone else wants, just as I should not expect them to change to please me.

light to darkness

Love. Peace. And Fitness!

MAKE today GREAT!!!



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