I was thinking last night, that I TOTALLY did the 30-Days To a More Confident You series that I am doing on my Facebook page backwards!  I should be posting it here first!  Still learning the best ways to reach the greatest number of people that I can.

So, I don’t know if this is the answer, but here is the first 18 Days and I will post the last 12 here and then share it on my FB page.  I hope it works out this way, if not, I will adjust again.

As Always, thanks for reading!

Brenda

DAYS 1 – 18 of 30 – Days to A More Confident You!

Day 1 “Take A Risk!”

What that means to me?

Is there something you want, but to do it or get it, will mean getting out of your comfort zone? Do you feel in your heart that this thing will make you happier, healthier, or in some other way make your life more fulfilling? Then DO IT! Take the first step!

I have wanted to do some of the things I am doing right now for a LONG time, but I was too scared to take the risk, because it meant spending a little money. It meant putting myself out there. It meant working on my self-confidence, something I have always struggled with. But I HAVE to try! How will I know if I can be successful if I don’t REALLY try?

You have to TAKE A RISK! For me, taking the risk was one thing that I feel finally pushed me over the edge. Will success come quickly? Will everything fall into place for me now? Will I reach teh right audience and get my message to those who need my help and are willing to take their own risk? Who knows? But a plan without action is just a day dream. Time to stop planning and start ACTING!

TAKE A RISK!

MAKE today GREAT!!!

Day 2 – Understand that it is (USUALLY) NOT about You!

This one used to TOTALLY be Me!

Any time someone is in a bad mood, is angry, or even is just acting “off”, I worry that I am the reason. I would get all wound up thinking that they I had done something, and kill myself trying to figure it out.

Well….my bubble was usually bursted when I would find out that their world did NOT revolve around me, and that there was something else wrong. And some people are just simply NEGATIVE! Those are people you want to get away from, because they will NEVER help you boost your confidence. They will continue to try to drag you down into their dark little world and make you as miserable as they are.

So, if you have done something to someone, it MAY be you, but if that is not the case, you are probably NOT the problem.

Time to tackle this day!

Make Good Choices! Be Confident!

MAKE today GREAT!!!

Day 3 – Strike Out on Your Own!

Today’s topic is one thing that I think really helped me! I LOVE my husband, but he did NOT take this journey with me. He is a super fun guy, but until he gets to know people, he is actually pretty quiet and is a stay at home kind of personality. And after putting more importance on alcohol than friendships for so long, I really didn’t have many friends left by the time I made my decision to get healthy. I worked out at home in the beginning, but once I was ready to join a gym, go to a class, and even join the run club, I knew I was doing it ALONE! But I bit the bullet and did it!

My point? Don’t be afraid to do something on your own. If no one you know wants to try hang gliding, and you do….GO FOR IT!!! Find an instructor and GO! Don’t let fear of being alone hold you back.

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 4 – Make a Personal Brag List

So often, we focus so much on the bad that has happened or is happening in our lives, that we forget to celebrate all of the good that has not only happened to us, but that we have done! But think about it! In your life, what good things have you done in your life. 
For instance, I personally forget to celebrate the HUGE 180 that I did with my health by losing over 100#, when I have a little slip up and gain 10# back! But I STILL did that! I quit smoking, and have not had a cigarette in nearly 5 years! Heck, considering all that was going on in my life, like being pregnant at 17 and then losing Marian at 5.5 months, I graduated from high school! That in and of itself was a point of celebration in my life! But at the time, the only thing focused on was all that I had “messed up” in my life by getting pregnant. I forgot to celebrate the good!

So I challenge everyone reading this, to get out a pen and paper and make YOUR OWN PERSONAL BRAG LIST! Even if you just have time to scribble a couple things on a post it, do it! Focus on the good! Focus on the positive! And remember….YOU DID those great things, so you MUST be GREAT!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 5 – Find a Mantra and Say it Out Loud!

One of my all time favorites is from William W. Purkey:

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”

I have spent most of my life caring too much about what others think. Worrying that I am not good enough. I am not a fan of debating or confrontation, but I also am not a fan of someone dogging me. I wrestled with anger issues for most of my life, and it took a lot of soul searching to get to where I am now. Because I never wanted to ruffle any feathers, I would stuff all of my emotions down for so long until it would come out in full on rage. Many times through hurting myself in various ways.

There are days I still wrestle with these issues, but I have learned MUCH better outlets for those emotions now. And learning to not put as much value in what everyone thinks, I am a much happier person. I think back just 3 or 4 years ago, and even though I always LOVED to dance, would have NEVER pictured myself TEACHING Zumba let alone fitness classes! Getting up in front of a group so they can all judge me? NO THANK YOU! Now? I just hope I do a good job and that my students enjoy the class.

I have this mantra written in my journals, on my computer, on a piece of paper in my purse, I even listen to The Newsboys, “Dance”, when I need to HEAR it. On days that I am feeling not “good enough” to get up in front of people, you can bet that this is the phrase going through my head. Find a mantra that helps you and repeat it OFTEN! Put it everywhere so that you see it many times throughout the day.

Time for me to get ready to go. We are spending the afternoon at a friends house, and I am sure they would prefer me showered after that sweaty FIT class! LOL!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 6 – Wear What You Love!

Ok…WOW! I know I am the one who put this in here, and now I am questioning WHY?!?!? This one is very hard for me. I still catch myself wearing “safe” clothes most of the time. And I have a friend, a fellow Beachbody coach, who loves her body no matter what size she is. She is an EXTREMELY size 16W, and she has absolutely no problem wearing her bikini to the beach with her family. And she looks BEAUTIFUL in it, because she is fully confident in herself and very proud of all the hard work she has put a lot of hard work into her body! I have too! And even where I am right now, I am NOT confident enough in my body to wear my bikinis in public. To be 100% honest, I am not comfortable in a swimsuit that DOES cover my belly. Isn’t it amazing what a childhood full of people poking you in your belly like the Pilsbury Dough Boy(INCLUDING MY PEDIATRICIAN) can do to you psyche? I SO want to get past this past torment! I am NOT that fat little girl anymore! Am I a supermodel size 2? NO, but I am probably never going to be. So WHY? I can put the pics online for the whole world to see, but if I had to look you in the face at the same time, I would not be as confident.

So, my goal for the end of my 2013 Summer Body By Brenda Challenge, was to wear my bikini if we went anywhere for Labor Day that a swimsuit would be appropriate attire. And I am thinking that going through this 30 days with you is going to help me.

So whether it is avoiding fun summer events because you are too embarrassed to be in a swim suit, or wearing the cute dress because you think it won’t look quite right, the only rule, is FIT! Make sure you buy the proper size so that it FITS you correctly, and go out and WEAR it! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for feeling great about yourself! I have heard a million times, that being comfortable and confident in her own skin is what makes a woman beautiful.

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

 

Day 7 – Blow Your Reflection A Kiss!

I LOVE this one! :)~ How often do you look in the mirror after getting ready to go out and start criticizing everything that isn’t perfect instead of saying to yourself, “You look good, Girl! Go out and flaunt it and have some fun!”

I admittedly have struggled with this, but I’m getting better!

So, the next time you go past a mirror. Just blow yourself a little kiss! Say, “You are doing great! Keep up the good work!” Show yourself that LOVE! Sometimes outside support is all but non existent, and you have to be your OWN biggest cheerleader!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 8 – Change Your Tone Of Voice!

By Change Your Tone of Voice, I am talking about the one that you speak to yourself in. I have noticed in that if I spoke to my friends and family the way I speak to myself, I would be one LONELY GIRL! Well if you wouldn’t expect someone else to sit and take it, WHY do you think you deserve to spoken to in that way? Change Your Tone! Instead of saying “Can’t”, say, “I am currently unable to…(fill in the blank), but I am working on it!” When you speak to yourself in a defeatist way, you are defeating yourself before you ever even TRY!

So talk to yourself like you are your biggest cheerleader! Even on days you feel like you are at the bottom of a collapsed pyramid, think of yourself on the top being the one screaming “GO TEAM” the loudest!

Your life can’t change if you keep doing everything the same way! Change what isn’t working, starting with that “Mean Girl(or Guy)” living between your ears!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 9 – Stand Tall!

Even as I feel more confident in myself, and even am getting out there teaching classes(AND LOVING IT!), I still don’t keep my head high and look people in the eye. I think my reasoning, is that if I don’t look at them, then they can’t really see ME. I have tried to blend in or hide behind everyone else for so long, that being out front and center is still a little tough for me. But I think I am getting better!

Show off your confidence. Stand tall and spread your gifts with the world. You DO matter, and living your life small hurts not just you, but everyone that you are keeping from experiencing the gifts you have to give to the world!

So as I have been telling you every day…..

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 10 – Wear the Sexy Underwear!

OK…I know some of you are going, HUH? And yes, this one is mostly for us girls. The subject of this one is dedicated to my friend, Mrs Erin Bentley. A little over a year ago, while in the middle of a workout, we started having the discussion about wearing sexy underwear. I told her that since I still saw myself as a “big girl”, I just could not bring myself to wear it. Her first point was that it was more comfortable during workouts, because it was already where my “granny panties”(as she called them) were ending up! LOL! Her second point, was that wearing sexy underwear could actually help me feel better about myself, because it is harder to feel bad about yourself when you wear HOT and SEXY clothes.

Well, I tried it. She was definitely right on her first point! MUCH BETTER! And on her second? I will say that my husband is thankful to her. LOL! I have always dressed to HIDE myself. It is still difficult for me to show anything off. I have a friend and fellow Beachbody Coach who is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. She is proud of her body and believes she is beautiful no matter what her size. She wears beautiful clothes, and even a bikini to the beach with her family. And she looks gorgeous, because she is confident and proud of all the hard work she puts in to get fit. Is she a size 2? No. But that doesn’t matter to her.

If we wait to be a size 2 and look perfect to wear the “Sexy Underwear” and look like the underwear models??? Well, it will never happen. In fact, it probably would not happen for them even. UNLESS they take their air brushers everywhere with them. Be proud and confident enough to wear the sexy underwear for yourself. No one else will even know, and you can make yourself feel more confident and beautiful without anyone knowing why!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 11 – Be Outrageously Positive!

OUTRAGEOUSLY POSITIVE! What does that mean to me? That means even when I feel like garbage about myself, or when I am struggling and would really like to just hide under a rock, I MUST GO ON! I MUST keep inspiring because that is what makes me feel good about me! To help others on their journey is the the greatest and most Outrageously Positive feeling! And a time of struggle is NOT the time to get negative!

Take the last 6 months for me as an example. I wanted to be in the best shape I have ever been in by this time so that I could do a professional fitness photo shoot with the incredibly AWESOME Stace from KICKPICS – Professional Martial Arts Photography and KICKPICS.net while he is in Quincy next week. Am I? Sadly NO! All the injuries and frustrations of the past several months have made me feel like I am going backwards. But that does not mean it is time to get negative and throw in the towel. In fact, quite the opposite. I realized it was time to get Outrageously Positive about the things I have accomplished and start re-evaluating what is working now and what isn’t.

Stay positive, and the answers will come. Get negative and down on myself, and what happens? EMOTIONAL BINGE EATING!!! And where will that get me? Only to a deeper, darker place than I was already in. So no feeling negative just because you had a few bad days, weeks, or even months! Be positive and productive and find out what will help you change it all back around.

Is it something that was out of your control? Then control what you can.
Is it something that you changed that is not working for you? Go back to what DID work.
Is it that you have not changed anything in months or years? Maybe it is time to try something new.

No matter what the “issue” is that is holding you back, there IS an answer! You just have to be OUTRAGEOUSLY POSITIVE that you WILL find it. Don’t let your negativity be your wall and excuse! You have NOT done EVERYTHING there is to do yet! Keep looking!

I believe that being negative is like closing a door. Can’t. Won’t. No. And even Try. These are all negative words that bring out negative emotions. Get rid of them. Can. Will. Yes. DO! These words are the words of an Outrageously Positive person. Doors will open! Make the choice to go through them with an open mind and make the necessary changes and invest in YOU!!!

ONLY YOU CAN MAKE A POSITIVE CHANGE YOU!!! No one is, or CAN, do it for you!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 12 – Copy A Good Role Model!

Choose your role models for the right reasons! I have always wanted to be/look like a certain way. But even when I got pretty close, it did not make me happy. Then I decided that the only way I would be happy with myself and the HUGE transformation that I have made, is to help others also fight the battle against obesity and all the diseases that go with it. So I started this page and my blog, but I was lost. I was not sure exactly where to go next. So I joined a Beachbody Coaching Team. Best thing I could have done for myself! No only am I learning what to do next, but I have more tools to offer my clients, a whole team of coaches to help me when I don’t have an answer, and they have introduced me to some great personal development resources, along with finding some wonderful friends! I have found some great role models. Much better than the famous people that I looked up to, who do what I
want to do, but seem to make it all about the fame and fortune, NOT about actually helping people.

Anyway….that is my experience. I want to help people fight the battle I did, because I have been on both sides, and I KNOW which is better. My point is, don’t find role models in people who simply look the way you wan tot look or have what you wish you had. Find role models who got to those places through good, honest ways and CONTINUED to be good and honest people AFTER they got there. Like sports figures. They are so hard to look up to anymore, because so many have taken a BAD path.

OK…I must get ready to go to class! I will talk to you all later:)

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

****A comment that I added to DAY 12 –   I just re-read this, and realized that I should not try to rush these posts. I didn’t even mention the person who first made me think that I even COULD do this, not just as a hobby, but as my LIFE! Thank you for EVERYTHING, especially for believing in me, Mr Robert Bentley!!!****

Day 13 – Remember What you Are Good At!

There will always be things you are good at, and there will be things that you are not so good at. I am OK at many things, but I try to focus on what I am best at. If you spread yourself too thin, you may be able to do many things OK, but never really get anywhere. But, if you concentrate on a few things you are really good at and focus on becoming GREAT at them, then you will excell and not feel like you are just spinning your wheels.

For instance, and I may be paraphrasing because I cannot remember if this is the exact quote from Bruce Lee,

“I am not afraid of the man who practices 10,000 kicks, I am afraid of the man who practices one kick 10,000 times!”

Well, since I lost most of yesterday to a raging headache, and then UFC fights and uninvited tiny guests, I have a TON to do today.

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!

Day 14 – Finish A DIY Project!

This one hit home for anyone BESIDES ME??? LOL! I have so many projects started! But I am going to tell you the two that I am going to choose to finish over the next week. One is my bedroom blind. YUP! Just one of the 3! It has been missing for about 16 months now, and it looks ridiculous! My cat, Kali, ripped it off the window! It has to be cut to size, so I have to actually remember to take the measurement with me when I go, and I keep forgetting. But I WILL get that done this week!

The second, is to finish my filing on my desk so that I can actually USE my desk instead of the kitchen table!

How will doing that help my confidence? Because organization is something that keeps many people from being efficient, which holds you back. I know I need to work on my organization skills to make me more efficient. And the blind thing? It just drives me CRAZY, because when you look at it, it looks sloppy for one, but it leads right back to being unorganized. In the 16 months that it has been down, I have not ONCE bothered to just take the piece that I saved and put it in my car so the next time I am near Home Depot(which is on my way home from work!), I can run in and get one! Now that I admitted this one out loud, I can guarantee it will be done by Saturday!

So FINISH something! Trust me, the sense of accomplishment from finishing even something small, can send your confidence to a new level!

What are YOU going to finish?

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 15 – Record a Compliment on your Smart Phone!

I need this today! I am not feeling particularly well this morning. Which would stink on any day, but tonight, I am supposed to get my picture taken by Stace from KICKPICS – Professional Martial Arts Photography and KICKPICS.net But my sinuses are a mess, and my face feels like someone used it as a punching bag. UGH!

But back to the topic. You may be asking, WHY would I record a compliment on my smart phone to myself. Does it seem vain? Or maybe you can’t think of anything to compliment yourself on??? THAT is where I am coming from. Remember that you were supposed to work on changing the tone of voice in which you talk to yourself?

Well, this goes along with that! I don’t care if the compliment is on your great taste in shoes, COMPLIMENT YOURSELF! If you prefer to not use your phone, and are a “pen to paper” girl, such as myself, that is fine. You don’t NEED to put it on your phone. Right now, get a post it, and write your compliment. Maybe make more than one copy. Put it on your computer, your fridge, your mirror, you dashboard, wherever you will see it/them often.

Mine today is, “If you choose to look back, do it only to celebrate how far you have come! You are Strong! You exude a Positive Outlook! You motivate, inspire, and encourage others to be their best! In summary….YOU ROCK!!!”

What will yours say?

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 16 – Cut Yourself Some SERIOUS Slack!

YES! I know if you know me personally, you are thinking to yourself, “Time for Brenda to PRACTICE what she preaches!” LOL! And I am, I promise. I have always struggled with the “All or Nothing” way of thinking. I got it in my head at a young age, that having a “belly” and/or being overweight makes you ugly and of very little worth. So by gaining a little weight(18# total, of which I have lose 6 so far) over the last 8 months and the majority of it going straight to my mid-section, and then you top that with not being able to workout the way I WANT to workout due to the slew of injuries I have been dealing with, I have been pretty nasty to myself.

This is one of the main reasons I wanted to do this confidence booster! Yesterday, a dear friend told me to stop criticizing myself, or at our next FIT class, she was going to punch me! Well….I have SEEN her punch, and want no part of being on the receiving end of it! LOL! Then as I got to Legacy Martial Arts to get my pics taken last night, I realized just what an awful picture I have been painting of myself recently, when Stace from KICKPICS – Professional Martial Arts Photography and KICKPICS.net told me that I was crazy, that I still looked amazing! Well, he made my night, and I had a wonderful time at the photo shoot. He helped me let all of my fears and hesitations go and just have FUN with it! I was doing a Zumba shoot, so you can only imagine! teehee

So, I am going to STOP beating myself up and cutting myself the slack that I preach to others. As I say all the time, it is not about being THE best, it is about being YOUR best! So I am going to be the best Brenda I can be, and stop trying to be someone I am not.

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 17 – Take Time To Exercise!

Kinda self explanatory on this one, but I am going to go a bit deeper on this one for you. Many of my closest friends and family members had no idea that my weight, my back injury, and my struggle with infertility had me so down in my early 30’s that I had started using a lot of Rx pain killers and drinking heavily every night. When I decided to get healthy, it was not JUST about losing weight for me. I had other demons to conquer.

That is why I workout at night. Some people have the theory that if you don’t workout in the morning, that you won’t get good results. Simply not true. Workout WHENEVER it fits you and your schedule! For me, I was trying to replace a bad habit with a good one, so after work was prime for me. I treated it just like any other healthy lifestyle change. Gradual and in moderation. I still enjoy a drink or two with my hubby on date night, at a party, or when I go out with the girls. It just isn’t the most important thing in my life anymore. Being fit and healthy, and now helping others be fit and healthy is.

So EXERCISE! Make YOU and your health a priority! You will be surprised at how doing one thing to make you feel good can help you reach all of your goals, because if you can conquer the lack of motivation to exercise, you can do ANYTHING!

And, since I couldn’t breath to exercise with a cigarette in my mouth, I also quit smoking! YUP! I am almost 5 years SMOKE FREE!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Day 18 – Post Sticky Notes!

So….this is NOT just because my brother works for 3M! LOL! But I LOVE sticky notes! And they are small enough that you can put them EVERYWHERE! I use them for “To-Do” Lists to help me stay organized. I write quotes to encourage, motivate, or just lift my spirits on them, and put them EVERYWHERE!

And they do help! Write something nice on a sticky note, and put it on your bathroom mirror before you go to bed. Waking up to a compliment can set your mood for the whole day. You will be happier, and more likely to stick to your goals throughout the day. Positivity FEEDS off of Positivity! Same with being negative

So if you start your day off that way, YOU will be positive, you can spread the positive and possibly brighten the day of someone else around you, which will have a ripple effect and keep you in a more positive environment. Which we all know is best for keeping us on track with our goals, no matter what they are. Sometimes we can let one thing going wrong or throwing off our schedule ruin our whole day!

Let’s all MAKE this a GREAT DAY!!!!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Well….if you had not been following this on Facebook, and you have read this far, THANK YOU!  This catches us up to today.  I will post the remainder in both places, but hope that if you are on FB, that you will follow me at Body By Brenda, and on Twitter @bodybybrenda and IG at @bodybybrenda .

MAKE it a GREAT day!