Happiest Day of My Life!

 

10352343_672837476140195_4239608222456458473_n

 

I was challenged today to share with you a part of my story that you may not know. Something I don’t talk a lot about. My wedding day! Well, let’s actually let’s start 6 weeks before my wedding day. It was March 9, 2003. It was a beautiful spring Sunday, and I was working in my yard. Cabin fever had got me like it did every winter, and I was looking forward to getting some flower beds cleared to prepare them for planting.  Nearly every Sunday(unless I had been shopping with her the day before), I called my Mom.  That day, I was going to call her when I went inside for the evening.  That is a call I never got to make.  We got a call from my Dad saying that Mom had passed suddenly in her sleep sitting in her favorite chair.

To say the least, I was DEVISTATED!  My Mom was my best friend.  She was the one person that no matter what crap I pulled, she still loved me totally and unconditionally!  And trust me, I pulled some doozies!  But that is a novel for another time.  She was my sounding board for EVERYTHING!  My confidant.  But she was always in poor health.  She had diabetes from a young age, which lead to heart disease, major eye problems, and eventually left her going to dialysis 3 days a week for the last 8 months of her life due to complete renal failure.

How was I supposed to have the “Happiest Day of My Life” without HER?  As I sat next to the gurney that she was on in hospital, holding her hand, I swore to myself that I would lose the weight, take better care of myself, and NEVER put anyone through all of the worry that she put us through with her health problems.  I was lying to myself.  I made it to my wedding day, I married my other best friend, and it was a wonderful happy day.  But there was still something missing, and I slipped into a dark place for awhile.  I was sad.  I was depressed.  And my replacement friends, became food and alcohol.  LOTS of alcohol!  I sat around for the next 5 years getting fatter and more unhealthy and more self-loathing.

But something told me in September 2008, that I was NOT a lost cause!  That no one is so broken that they can’t work on being MORE.  That is the thing about Rock Bottom…You still have a choice.  Settle and stay there until rock bottom becomes disease and death, or MAKE the changes you want in your life and RISE UP!

wpid-wp-1412557519171.jpeg

No one can do it for you!  YOU choose!  I was a scared, broken, depressed, sick, disabled, obese, chain smoking drunk who had never finished anything in her life, on my Day 1.  It’s OK!  You can have as many FIRST steps as you need.  As long as you never choose to take your LAST step!

So if you need a cheerleader in your corner, someone to stay accountable to, someone to push you a little along the way, or just someone that you can reach out to that understands that being fit does not always mean you look like a fitness model, but you are doing your best to be YOUR personal best…I would love to help!  Contact me about joining one of my Beachbody Challenge Groups, or about joining my team and leading by example as you are on your journey.

MAKE today GREAT!

bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

www.bodybybrendat.net

www.beachbodycoach.com/bodybybrendat

Facebook Body By Brenda

IG and Twitter @bodybybrenda

It’s OK to have an “off” day!

I hope as you read this you are happy and well!  However, this post is about getting past the days you are not.

I am having one of those today.  It actually kind of started with a rough yesterday.  A tweaked back muscle and having to cut my workout VERY short along with being a bit down anyway, led to a bit of emotional eating of grazing on almonds and whole grain crackers and hummus off and on all day .  I hate being reminded that I am NOT Super Woman! 😦

super woman fire

 

I think the “off” mood was my brain leading up to today.

You see, today marks the 12th year since my Mom passed away.  I miss her everyday, but on March 9th every year for the past dozen years now, my heart feel like it is breaking in half just like it did on this day 12 years ago.  My Mom was my very best friend in the world.  And I can’t imagine I will ever get used to not being able to pick up the phone to talk to her.

Last week when I hit Diamond Rank in my Beachbody Business, all I wanted to do was talk to my Mom.  I was actually proud of myself!  I may have taken me a much longer time than some people to accomplish, but I had some fears, self-doubt, and serious self-confidence issues to overcome.  And I am doing it!  Diamond to me meant that my light was FINALLY shining through.

But just like everyday for the last 12 years, I knew I could not pick up the phone to call her.  Not even to share good news.  This morning, as I got ready for work, I could not help but go back to that day.  It was an unusually gorgeous and warm Sunday for early March, and I had been working out in my yard, when the call came from my Dad.  Tony got it, and told me I needed to get to town, that my Dad thought my Mom was dead.  Well, if you knew what a fighter my Mom was over the years, and all of the times we could have lost her, him saying that he “thinks” she is dead, I will honestly say, that I thought there was still hope.  By the time I drove in the 30 minutes from my house to theirs, the ambulance was pulling away with the lights and sirens going, but I would soon find out that it was already too late.  I was not going to get to say good-bye.

I still remember exactly how her hand felt and looked as I knelt next to that gurney in the Emergency Room holding it that night.  Knowing that she would no longer have to go through anymore pain was some consolation, but selfishly, I really just WANTED HER BACK!  We had a wedding to plan!  I was getting married in 6 weeks!  How do you do that without your Mom AND Best Friend?  My heart was breaking.  A piece of it was gone.

So today as I relive these moments again and again in my mind, I realize now why, even though I have finally began to let people back in, I still keep them at about an arms reach.  I have been blessed with so many new friends, but it is hard for me to let down all of my walls.  A broken heart bruises easily, and I tend to protect mine with iron fists.

missing mom

 

So as I close this, I just want you to know that you are going to have “off” days.  Have them.  Feel them.  Learn from them.  But then let them go.  Don’t let a dark moment in time take away all of the light ahead.  I did that for a very long time, and I thank God for leading me our from under my Rock Bottom.  Although I may visit that place occasionally nowadays, I will NEVER put up residence there again!

 

I CHOOSE HAPPINESS!

wpid-wp-1412557519171.jpeg

 

YOU have the power.

MAKE today GREAT!!!

bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

www.bodybybrendat.net

www.beachbodycoach.com/bodybybrendat

Facebook Body By Brenda

IG and Twitter @bodybybrenda