“Am I Ugly?”

I listened the following TED Talk while I was working Friday afternoon.  I had to pause it several times, because I realized that she was describing me and my life.  I have been working consciously on my poor self-image and the self-hatred towards myself and how I look for about 5 years now.  But 38 years of feeling you are the ugliest and most worthless person in the world is not an easy thing to overcome.

Some of you who follow me on IG and FB got to see my baby picture last weekend.  Here it is if you missed it.

baby picture

 

Yup!  That’s me!  All 12 lbs 1/2 oz of me!  And yes, that IS one DAY old, not one year!  I was also breech, which lead to even more stories since after they broke my ankle to get me out, I got stuck AGAIN because my shoulders were so broad.

Also, for those of you who haven’t known me all my life, have I ever told you all what my nickname has been since BEFORE I was born is?  It is Boo Boo!  No, not like Yogi’s adorable little friend, like MISTAKE!  OOPS!  I always tried to take that name with a grain of salt, because my Mom always told me that I may have been an “oops”, but that I was the most LOVED “oops” EVER!

But even with her kind words, as I got older, the self-hate grew.  After my back injury, I felt even more worthless.  More useless.  More fat.  More UGLY!  I learned that I could numb myself to the world with alcohol and prescription drugs.  Which did not help my already sedentary lifestyle.  And as the problem grew, I withdrew from family and friends more.  I had friends that I would talk to occasionally, and I saw family on holidays.  But to be honest, I was “happiest” at home with my beer, my food, my pain killers, and my growing self hate.  THAT was my normal.  I lost many friends and acquaintances to my BEST BUDS Beer and Hydrocodone.

I used to LOVE women’s magazines.  Fitness, beauty, fashion.  But they all reminded me of how NOT perfect I was.  I would start the latest diet nearly every Monday.  It would generally last until Monday at 5:30 when that first drink of beer of the day would cross my lips.  But even with my lack of willpower and commitment to my health, I continually compared myself to those beautiful, perfect creatures in those magazines.  The ones I longed to look like.  The ones I longed to BE.

You know what is funny?  Once I got fit and healthy, I cancelled ALL of those subscriptions.  I guess I got healthier mentally too.  And realized that fit and healthy does not always mean skinny, drop-dead gorgeous, with big boobs and the perfect ass!

I still struggle with my self-esteem and body image almost daily.  But for the first time in my life, even if it is not always my first thought when I see my picture next to a gorgeous, fit woman, I know in my heart that I am fit and healthy.  I work my butt off to be the best ME that I can be!

kickpic collage

And that IS enough.  And anyone who doesn’t think so, doesn’t deserve me, my time, or my friendship.

We need to band together to let our girls know that genetic lottery + photo shop does NOT equal perfection.  And we need to stop striving for, and comparing ourselves to, a perfection that does not exist!

DO NOT skip watching the video!!!  The message is important!

1/3 of the Way to Your 2014 Goals?

It’s May already!!!

How did that happen?   2014 is 1/3 of the way gone!  Are you 1/3 of the way to your 2014 goals?  I’M NOT!  Nowhere close!  I just tell people that I am “Under Construction”!

work in progress

I have been “dabbling” too much over the last year or so, and not staying committed to ONE THING!  So, for the next 6 weeks, besides the obvious addition of my FIT and Zumba classes, I am 100% dedicated to Les Mills COMBAT only!  The plan is to be smokin’ HOT by the Beachbody Coach Summit in Vegas in mid-June, so it is time to GET SERIOUS and do what I know works for me, and stop experimenting.

Speaking of Beachbody Coaching….

I will be helping with a Coach Training group starting May 19th!

If you have ever thought about taking advantage of the opportunity to help others WHILE getting in great shape AND make as much money as you are willing to put in the work to achieve, this would be a great time to sign up!  AND, to help you get started, the TurboFire Challenge Pack by Chalene Johnson is on sale this month for an additional $40 OFF the already discounted package price!  That is like buying Shakeology and getting the entire TurboFire System for $10!!!

I would love to have you join our team!  If you are interested, email me directly at bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

Let’s get out there and be our most awesome selves today!  Be worthy of your crown! 🙂

dentist crown

Round 1…DONE!

I’m not going to lie, I was a bit disappointed when I found out Beachbody was coming out with a program called the 21 Day Fix!   Because starting out in September 2008, if I heard 21 Day Fix, I may have thought, “WOW!  In 21 Days, my obesity will be cured!”  I know better now, and have, as a Beachbody Coach, hopefully made sure that my customers know that it is a tool.  A VERY GOOD tool, but a new lifestyle does not just appear at the end of the 21 days.  But at the end of that 21 days, you WILL be well on your way to a permanent solution to solving all of your nutrition and exercising(or NON-exercising) bad habits.

I am writing this post to show MY results of my first round of the 21 Day Fix.  But first a bit of a back story on my last year.

In 2010, I weighed 150#.  Over the next 2 years, I worked my tail off to put on 10-12# of muscle.  In 2012, my weight fluctuated from 157-162#, and looked better than I ever had in my life.  I maintained that until January of 2013.  I had multiple dental issues and then got sick from the infection they caused.  I felt like garbage for a long time, had some personal issues going on, and started a new BAD habit of procrastination snacking!  This could have proved to have been my downfall.  Over the last year, I have fluctuated up and down from 169-180#!  I just could not seem to get my nutrition back on track.  I knew portion control was one of my biggest issues, and I really struggle with logging my food.  But 21 Day Fix offered me a new system of doing BOTH of those things that FINALLY worked for me!

I finished up Round One Yesterday, admittedly with a few slip ups that threw me off track, but here are my results.

3pic21dfresults31614with statsI may not be where I want to be yet, but I am a LONG way from where I started! 🙂  I am so happy with my results, that I am starting round 2 tomorrow.  I will finish this second round just in time to start my Les Mills Challenge Group on April 7th, and just in time to celebrate my 43rd Birthday!  WOW!  Time certainly does fly, doesn’t it?

If you would like to join my Challenge Group, or would like more info on the 21 Day Fix, message me either through Facebook at Body By Brenda or by email at bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

MAKE today GREAT!!!

Confidence Building – Day 25

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYBODY!!!!

Time for today’s Confidence Builder!

30-Days To a More Confident You!

Day 25 – Take “Can’t” Out of Your Vocabulary!

That “I Can’t” story you tell yourself in your head is just a bunch of BS! Here is just a chapter from mine~

Five years ago tonight, I was getting ready to go to my favorite local festival but I really did not want to go. It is my very favorite weekend of the year, because I get to basically see EVERYONE I know all in one place! I am from a fairly small town, but most everyone at least stops by the KofC BBQ for a little bit.
But that year, I had reached my all time high in my weight at 275#. I felt horrible, and I was very self conscious about the way I looked. I was so unhealthy, that I had an appointment set up for 2 weeks later to have some tests run to see what was causing all the pain and other issues I was having. I KNEW the first thing that doctor was going to say was that I was too fat. Well…he used the term MORBIDLY OBESE! I was CRUSHED and felt like a TOTAL LOSER! On top of that, I drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney, and was still taking handfuls of RX painkillers for my back just to make it through the work day sitting at my desk!

But I went to that gathering, got DRUNK to numb out my “sad” feelings, and had a blast! But the next day, nothing had changed. I STILL felt like garbage, and I continued to treat myself like garbage. I never thought at that time that I could REALLY change. That I could even possibly do all the things I can do today. But I knew SOMETHING had to change. I could barely walk a few blocks at a time, and I was a chain smoking drunk! How was I ever going to change enough to actually be “healthy”.

But I DID! And I did it ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!

ALWAYS give yourself the benefit of the doubt! You are capable of SO MUCH MORE than you will ever give yourself credit for! Change your BS “I Can’t” story into a “I am currently working on becoming AWESOME!”

Your story it TOTALLY up to YOU! It is up to you to make the right decisions and choices to get you there, and I hope to be able to help you!

MAKE today GREAT and full of I CAN’s!!!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Photo: HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYBODY!!!!

Time for today's Confidence Builder!

30-Days To a More Confident You!

Day 25 - Take "Can't" Out of Your Vocabulary!

That "I Can't" story you tell yourself in your head is just a bunch of BS!  Here is just a chapter from mine~

Five years ago tonight, I was getting ready to go to my favorite local festival but I really did not want to go.  It is my very favorite weekend of the year, because I get to basically see EVERYONE I know all in one place!  I am from a fairly small town, but most everyone at least stops by the KofC BBQ for a little bit.  
But that year, I had reached my all time high in my weight at 275#.  I felt horrible, and I was very self conscious about the way I looked.  I was so unhealthy, that I had an appointment set up for 2 weeks later to have some tests run to see what was causing all the pain and other issues I was having. I KNEW the first thing that doctor was going to say was that I was too fat.  Well...he used the term MORBIDLY OBESE!  I was CRUSHED and felt like a TOTAL LOSER!  On top of that, I drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney, and was still taking handfuls of RX painkillers for my back just to make it through the work day sitting at my desk!  

But I went to that gathering, got DRUNK to numb out my "sad" feelings, and had a blast!  But the next day, nothing had changed.  I STILL felt like garbage, and I continued to treat myself like garbage.  I never thought at that time that I could REALLY change.  That I could even possibly do all the things I can do today.  But I knew SOMETHING had to change.  I could barely walk a few blocks at a time, and I was a chain smoking drunk!  How was I ever going to change enough to actually be "healthy".

But I DID!  And I did it ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!

ALWAYS give yourself the benefit of the doubt!  You are capable of SO MUCH MORE than you will ever give yourself credit for!  Change your BS "I Can't" story into a "I am currently working on becoming AWESOME!"  

Your story it TOTALLY up to YOU!  It is up to you to make the right decisions and choices to get you there, and I hope to be able to help you!

MAKE today GREAT and full of I CAN's!!!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

Confidence Builders – Day 23…INDULGE YOURSELF!

Today I find myself struggling to keep my eyes open.  I have had the 2 orphan kitties for 11 days now, and I don’t think I have gotten more than 5 hours of sleep per night since they showed up.  They are getting bigger and doing well, so I think that is all about to change, but as of right now, I AM TIRED!

I am telling you all of this, because this post might seem like one big ramble.  I hope it makes sense. 🙂  Have a great day!

 

30-Days To a More Confident You!

Day 23 – Indulge Yourself!

What does that mean? Well first off, it does NOT say OVER Indulge Yourself! But total deprivation will NOT work! Let’s take fitness competitors as an example. Their diets are SO strict, that many of them have rebound weight gain, because it is NOT a lifestyle sustainable diet. Another example is fighters who fight in a weight class that is below their natural “fit and healthy” weight. They deplete and get “super lean”. Being super lean may be needed to win a competition or make weight for a fight, but for most people to be that lean is not sustainable and can make them actually fall into a binge – deprivation cycle, that is actually more unhealthy than carrying a bit of extra weight.

What I am talking about when I say Indulge is a treat meal maybe once a week that you can look forward too. For me, just knowing that I was going to get to have “Beer And Pizza” night with tony every Friday night, helped me stay on track the rest of the week. Oh sure, I may have over indulged at times which made my initial weight loss(125# over 18 months) seem like it took a LONG time to those who look for quick fixes that say they will “Lose 50# in a Month!”, but I have also kept it off for 3+ years now.

Those who lose too fast tend to be the ones who struggle the most to keep it off. Taking it slow and one step at a time and LEARNING how to be Fit and Healthy, makes it easier. I may struggle with 10# or so back and forth, but for the most part I am pretty content with where I am.  I am healthy, and I wear a size 6. That FAR exceeds the goals I set for myself back in 2008, and I can honestly say that I enjoy the exercise I do and the way I eat. AND….I LOVE MY LIFE! I have some GREAT new friends who are like minded and enjoy the same things I do and I have an AWESOME husband who, although he misses me sometimes because I am so busy right now, supports me and my dreams! What more can a girl ask for? 

So INDULGE! Have that piece of cake at your 5 year old’s Birthday Party! Have a cocktail when you go out for your Anniversary. Eat a slice of pizza every now and then. You are working on LIFELONG HEALTHY HABITS, not starving yourself to look good for 5 minutes!

MAKE today GREAT!!!

Head UP! Shoulders BACK! Smile ON! Now get out there and take on the world!!!

A little added bonus, here is my CHEAT MEAL RULES! that I have for myself.

MY CHEAT MEAL RULES!

  1. PLAN YOUR INDULGENCES! – No spur of the moment SPLURGES or BINGES!
  2. ENJOY WITHOUT GUILT!
  3. ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK! PERIOD!
  4. DO NOT OVER INDULGE! – Portion Control! Do not STUFF yourself!
  5. ONCE IT IS OVER….MOVE ON!!! No beating yourself up for it! One bad meal does NOT deserve another!

    NO BINGE EATING!  IT IS A TREAT MEAL, NOT A FREE FOR ALL!!!

    binge