It’s OK to have an “off” day!

I hope as you read this you are happy and well!  However, this post is about getting past the days you are not.

I am having one of those today.  It actually kind of started with a rough yesterday.  A tweaked back muscle and having to cut my workout VERY short along with being a bit down anyway, led to a bit of emotional eating of grazing on almonds and whole grain crackers and hummus off and on all day .  I hate being reminded that I am NOT Super Woman! 😦

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I think the “off” mood was my brain leading up to today.

You see, today marks the 12th year since my Mom passed away.  I miss her everyday, but on March 9th every year for the past dozen years now, my heart feel like it is breaking in half just like it did on this day 12 years ago.  My Mom was my very best friend in the world.  And I can’t imagine I will ever get used to not being able to pick up the phone to talk to her.

Last week when I hit Diamond Rank in my Beachbody Business, all I wanted to do was talk to my Mom.  I was actually proud of myself!  I may have taken me a much longer time than some people to accomplish, but I had some fears, self-doubt, and serious self-confidence issues to overcome.  And I am doing it!  Diamond to me meant that my light was FINALLY shining through.

But just like everyday for the last 12 years, I knew I could not pick up the phone to call her.  Not even to share good news.  This morning, as I got ready for work, I could not help but go back to that day.  It was an unusually gorgeous and warm Sunday for early March, and I had been working out in my yard, when the call came from my Dad.  Tony got it, and told me I needed to get to town, that my Dad thought my Mom was dead.  Well, if you knew what a fighter my Mom was over the years, and all of the times we could have lost her, him saying that he “thinks” she is dead, I will honestly say, that I thought there was still hope.  By the time I drove in the 30 minutes from my house to theirs, the ambulance was pulling away with the lights and sirens going, but I would soon find out that it was already too late.  I was not going to get to say good-bye.

I still remember exactly how her hand felt and looked as I knelt next to that gurney in the Emergency Room holding it that night.  Knowing that she would no longer have to go through anymore pain was some consolation, but selfishly, I really just WANTED HER BACK!  We had a wedding to plan!  I was getting married in 6 weeks!  How do you do that without your Mom AND Best Friend?  My heart was breaking.  A piece of it was gone.

So today as I relive these moments again and again in my mind, I realize now why, even though I have finally began to let people back in, I still keep them at about an arms reach.  I have been blessed with so many new friends, but it is hard for me to let down all of my walls.  A broken heart bruises easily, and I tend to protect mine with iron fists.

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So as I close this, I just want you to know that you are going to have “off” days.  Have them.  Feel them.  Learn from them.  But then let them go.  Don’t let a dark moment in time take away all of the light ahead.  I did that for a very long time, and I thank God for leading me our from under my Rock Bottom.  Although I may visit that place occasionally nowadays, I will NEVER put up residence there again!

 

I CHOOSE HAPPINESS!

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YOU have the power.

MAKE today GREAT!!!

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My “WHY” once again being Revisited!

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Sitting in a hospital.  The woman I am looking at in the bed in front of me was so full of life not long ago.  She now looks so frail.  Barely resembles the woman that I have had so much fun with, laughed with, cried with, called my friend.  She is quiet.  The only noise is that of the machines that are hooked up to her.  I am scared and feel like my life is on the brink of a major change.  What will life be like if she is no longer here?  What will I do?  Parts of me are breaking inside?  The tears come without warning.

That paragraph was me remembering what it was like that day 20 years ago sitting in St Francis Hospital in Peoria, IL watching my Mom after she had 5 bypasses done on her heart.  Her diabetes was starting to take over.  Her body was wearing out a piece at a time.  She was 55.  We didn’t lose her that time, but as of Sunday, it will have been 11 years since we did lose her to the diabetes.  After 8 months of dialysis, she fell asleep in her chair and God took her home.  They said it was another heart attack.   My heart broke that day.  It was 6 weeks until my wedding, and I did not know how to move on to the next day even.  But my family, especially my big sisters, helped me through.

Let’s now fast forward to yesterday.

Wow!  Here I go crying again.  I may never get this written.

Yesterday, my oldest sister(53 now), had to have a triple bypass surgery.  I walked into her room after her surgery, ready to praise God that my sister was OK.  Instead I was stopped dead in my tracks.  I was looking at my Mom!  All those feelings came rushing back again.  I was SCARED!  I did give that well deserved Praise later, but in that moment, I was in shock!  I am so sick of this horrible disease!  I wish I could say that she is now out of the woods.  But within a day or two, she also has to have two more toes amputated.  The diabetes is taking them too.

Our Dad is suffering from a total personality change and an altered mental state after his kidneys started shutting down a few months ago due to his diabetes, and his potassium skyrocketed.  We didn’t physically lose him that day, but MY DAD is not really there anymore.  It took “him” away. 😦

Six years ago, in spring of 2008, I was told that I was borderline diabetic, my blood pressure was too high, and my cholesterol was…well…my blood was gravy!  And I was pushing 300#!  I was still seeing the same doctor who had been my Mom’s doctor.  He actually asked me if I planned to follow in her footsteps.  By September of that year after a health scare of my own that turned out OK, I started thinking more seriously about doing something about my health.  I woke up the day after watching the season premier of Biggest Loser that got me thinking maybe I could do it, and lo and behold, there was my Mom was looking back at me in my mirror.  I was built just like her.  I had some of the same early health issues that she had.  And I was topping it all off with a 12 pack of been and 2 packs of cigarettes a day!  I decided right then and there that I was NOT going down that road.  And I choose to do something about it.  Here it is 5 1/2 years later, and some days are good, and some days are not so good, but I continue to make the same choices to be MY Healthiest Me, EVERY day!

Can it all be fixed by taking better care of your health?  I don’t know, but research does show that it greatly improves your chances.  Why sit and wait?  Take action!  Isn’t living a more happy, more productive, more healthy life worth it?  In my opinion, from my experience, YES!

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!

Don’t know how?  Don’t know where to start?

I would LOVE to help you.  Most of you reading this blog already know how to find me.  Come visit me on Facebook or follow the links on my home page to my Beachbody site for more information.  Or, you can e-mail me any time at bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

MAKE today GREAT!!!

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