self-love

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WHAT??? I am NOT a perfect Fitness Model???

Guess what?

 

I KNOW!!!

 

And I am OK with that!

ok not perfect

Now time for some cold, hard, tough-love TRUTHS!

I don’t take unsolicited criticism about my personal life OR my weight very well.  Actually I don’t think I am the exception to the rule here, I think that is pretty much just the way that it is!  If I don’t specifically ask for your opinion, I probably don’t want it.   I have had a rough couple of years, as many of you know.  And I have worked my booty off to hold everything together and am currently working on getting both my nutrition and my fitness back on track.  I share my struggles openly, not because I am asking for advice, but so that others see that they are not alone, and that there is HOPE!  I LOVE the accountability and support that I have gotten from many people in my life.  And I know you can feel it coming, so here it is……

BUT…….  There are also people in my life who think they can “fix” my problems by pointing out that I am NOT PERFECT!  Criticism is NOT a motivator for me!  And if ANYONE EVER touches my fat again to point out that I have some to lose…..I don’t care how close I am to them, they are freaking going down!  That is NOT acceptable behavior from ANYONE in my eyes!

And even though you didn’t ask for it, here is a little history on WHY this upsets me so much.  Between the ages of about 5 and 10 years old, EVERY time I went to my pediatrician, he would poke me in the belly, touching my fat, and saying in his thick Indian accent, “Brenda a little too fat!  Brenda need to be on diet!”  From that day on, I find it an EXCEPTIONAL insult when people touch my muffin top, belly rolls, or God forbid, my BACK FAT or BUTT!!!!  Sure, these days there is less of it, but it really is still no less offensive.  It isn’t “cute”, it isn’t “funny”, and it was recently one of the many poor judgment qualities that caused me to release someone from my life.  I have been made to feel bad for being me for too much of my life.  I am now 44 years old, I am a big girl, and I respect ME!!!  I don’t deserve for anyone to make me feel bad about being me!   And NO ONE has that power UNLESS I give it to them!  And guess what I am NOT going to do? 😉

focus on good

If you want to help me, please focus on what good I have done, and not on my flaws.  Trust me that the little voice in my head does a better job than you could ever dream of doing.  And YES, I do actively work on improving my mindset EVERY day!

moon and stars

I am aware that things about me are not perfect.  I have never claimed to be.  I am not a doll, I am a real live girl! LOL! One with setbacks and struggles and yes, a muffin top!  But you know what?  I am OK with where I am in my life!  I work hard.  I am fit.  I eat right.  And I have some wonderful people in my life who know to just be there for me while I work through things!  I know they are there if I need help or if I need to have a meltdown, and I appreciate them greatly!

 

And one other thought before I sign off…

see-as-are

So when someone is pointing out all your faults and everything you are doing wrong, remember that that says WAY MORE about them and their current situation than it does you and yours!

 

#BeYOU!  #BePROUD!  #BeGENUINE!  #BeSTRONG #LoveYOURSELF #AndLAUGHEveryDay

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Beautiful.

11999893_595465263924495_1354735128_n

Each time I come across this picture, I just cringe. It makes me sick to my stomach.
WHY?
Because I actually see my face on this little girl  😦

One of my earliest memories of my self loathing body image, was going to my pediatrician when I was 5 or 6. He would poke me in the belly and say to my mom, “Brenda getting a little too chubby. Need to put on diet or she will be massive fat adult!” This is exactly how he would say it. English was not his first language, he was from India. And I LOVED his family. They were our neighbors. At his house, his wife would make us these wonderful treats from their country. And they always had rock candy! Great for the “fat kid” of the neighborhood to always be the one that doctor would NOT let have the candy.

But I would dream about being beautiful. I would look at pictures of women in magazines, and dream that “one day”…..

Today, I still catch myself doing the same damn thing! Even though I KNOW in my heart that it is wrong! Even though I know beauty comes from within! Even though I know that it is our actions that truly make us beautiful. And Even though I know about all the touch ups, makeup, contouring, and photo shopping, and plain and simple, that…

SKINNY≠BEAUTIFUL!

HEALTHY=BEAUTIFUL
STRONG=BEAUTIFUL
CONFIDENCE=BEAUTIFUL
LOVE=BEAUTIFUL
ACCEPTANCE=BEAUTIFUL

It admit that it is still a difficult road that I stroll down from time to time, and I hope and pray that as I publicly share my journey(the good, bad, and ugly) down this road that I shed light on the reality of the fact that being fit, healthy, and BEAUTIFUL have nothing to do with the size of your F-ing Skinny Jeans!
I am not saying that wanting to lose weight for health and to look and feel better is bad, but PLEASE remember that it is not what DEFINES beauty! I am in the fitness industry, and although many are only focused on being skinny, there is a MUCH GREATER MESSAGE that many of us share that is way above and beyond “skinny”! Being your BEST YOU! No matter what that is or looks like!

The most eye pleasing woman in the world can still be ugly, by her actions, or simply by opening her mouth!

But the mirror is still my arch nemesis! It taunts me! It distorts all that is within and focuses only on the overweight, ugly outside that I see. But I am healthy. I am fit. WHY do I still let this object define me in my head? Why do I only focus on what I see as flaws instead of the wonderful progress I have made since I was that chubby little girl who saw nothing but a worthless, sad, lonely, fat girl looking out from her mirror.

My point of this post, is to please not only watch what and how you say things to your children, but watch how you talk about yourself in front of them. If they know that you disgust yourself for being overweight, if they too have a weight problem, they will also think that they are disgusting to you.

You ARE Beautiful!

purple rose you are beautiful

And flaws and all, So Am I!

MAKE today GREAT!!!

bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

www.bodybybrendat.net

Facebook Body By BrendaT

IG and Twitter @bodybybrendat

www.beachbodycoach.com/bodybybrendat

#Empower #Strength #SelfLove #SelfConfidence #WarriorGoddess #PunchFearInTheFace #YouAreBeautiful

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Self Love!

WE NEED TO TALK!
be my friend

I saw this picture today, and is SCREAMED at me!  I am doing some work on myself to help with my body image issues.  I just started working with Dr Macayla Sarno, and this program feels like it may finally be “the thing” that is going to help me get past this.  I believe in unconditional self love.  Heck, I PREACH it CONSTANTLY!  I refuse to let my friends, students, clients, customers, etc call themselves demeaning names!  But when it comes to myself, even after all the progress I have achieved, I still see an unhealthy, unfit,  nearly 300# woman in my mirror.  And I am not going to lie, it is sometimes hard to be nice to her.

There has been a lot of Body Shaming talk going around lately. Like that dippy broad who thinks she is a comedian that thought her ABOVE AND BEYOND RUDE way of approaching “fat people” was going to make them suddenly realize that they are fat and have lose weight and take care of themselves! Because we all know it is “All about the Twinkie!” RIGHT? 😛 

And the chubby women who see the naturally thin women who if you asked them, would likely say, “I can’t gain weight. I have nutritional deficiencies. OR I can’t build enough muscle to protect my bones to save my life!” But we judge what we don’t know, so we tell them to, “Go Eat A Sandwich!”
I admit it, I have done this one. It is in all honesty, PURE JEALOUSY that I have never been able to get and stay thin in my entire life!

And don’t get me wrong, at this moment, I am not fat shaming myself, because I am finally “getting it”! Sure, I am a little “fluffier” than I would like to be right now, but I am fit, and I am happy, and I am healthier than I have ever been in my life! Did I ever tell you that at 14 years old, I went to a Free Cholesterol Screening with my Mom, and mine was exactly 200?!?

Back to my point!

We need to get past this body shaming! Of each other, yes! But even more importantly, of OURSELVES! You are the only person you live with 24 hours a day! You NEED to be your biggest cheerleader! Being the hateful, negative voice in your head, blocks you from allowing love, positivity, and sharing that you would otherwise do freely, if only you could see all the beauty that your insides leak out onto your outsides! That is what other people see!

They don’t see the muffin top. They don’t see the jiggly thighs. They don’t see the loose skin, stretch marks, or scars left over from a life of fighting hard to be your best you!

So stop telling yourself lies!  Stop being mean to the person that you should love the most!  This is the body you were given.  Take as good of care of it as you can.  Flaws and all!  It is the differences that make us unique.  It is the differences that make you YOU!

Be your best friend!

Love You!

MAKE today GREAT!!!

bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

www.bodybybrendat.net

Facebook Body By BrendaT

IG and Twitter @bodybybrendat

www.beachbodycoach.com/bodybybrendat

#Empower #Strength #SelfLove #SelfConfidence #WarriorGoddess

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Weight Loss Transformation?

Here is a little hard truth for you.  Tough Love, if you will.

This is me close to my heaviest, and at my leanest about two years ago.

bande

Yup, that’s right, I far from my leanest right now.  THAT ↑ takes a LOT of work, and I have been giving up a lot of my “ME” time to help others the last couple years.  Not that I am saying that is an altogether a bad thing.  I am still healthy, and I still LOVE ME!  And I really don’t look TOO shabby, right? 😉

IMG_0015-001

But I am writing this blog, because I truly believe God put me on this Earth to help other people find their way to health and fitness.  To REALLY make the changes in their lives that are necessary to help them life happy, healthy, more fulfilling lives, and not the sad, sick, mediocrity that I and many of you have lived for years.  I will do ALL I can to help every person who WANTS my help to get fit and healthy.

But it does NOT come without a lot of hard work.  And tears.  And sometimes even pain.

It does NOT come for free.

It does NOT come without sacrifice.

You WILL have to buy healthy food.

You WILL have to give up some of your favorite comfort foods MOST OF THE TIME!

You WILL need to MAKE the time to move your body.

AND…
You WILL want to give up.

You WILL call me horrible names under your breath. Maybe even to my face.

You WILL have days that you don’t even think you are worth it all.

But IF you come to me. If you stay invested in yourself, and stay accountable even when you are at your very very worst, as your coach, I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU!

BUT you can’t hide from me.  You have to help ME, help YOU, or the “quit” is not on me. Don’t make excuses. Especially BEFORE you even respond to my outreached hand.  Do you know why?

Because excuses are PLANNED LIES!

So, my question to you is:

Are you planning your healthy future, or are you planning your excuses to NOT have that future?

If you are ready for a plan, I would LOVE to be the one to help you start the journey to meeting your future healthier self!

Contact me today at bodybybrenda@hotmail.com

MAKE today GREAT!

worth it

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“Am I Ugly?”

I listened the following TED Talk while I was working Friday afternoon.  I had to pause it several times, because I realized that she was describing me and my life.  I have been working consciously on my poor self-image and the self-hatred towards myself and how I look for about 5 years now.  But 38 years of feeling you are the ugliest and most worthless person in the world is not an easy thing to overcome.

Some of you who follow me on IG and FB got to see my baby picture last weekend.  Here it is if you missed it.

baby picture

 

Yup!  That’s me!  All 12 lbs 1/2 oz of me!  And yes, that IS one DAY old, not one year!  I was also breech, which lead to even more stories since after they broke my ankle to get me out, I got stuck AGAIN because my shoulders were so broad.

Also, for those of you who haven’t known me all my life, have I ever told you all what my nickname has been since BEFORE I was born is?  It is Boo Boo!  No, not like Yogi’s adorable little friend, like MISTAKE!  OOPS!  I always tried to take that name with a grain of salt, because my Mom always told me that I may have been an “oops”, but that I was the most LOVED “oops” EVER!

But even with her kind words, as I got older, the self-hate grew.  After my back injury, I felt even more worthless.  More useless.  More fat.  More UGLY!  I learned that I could numb myself to the world with alcohol and prescription drugs.  Which did not help my already sedentary lifestyle.  And as the problem grew, I withdrew from family and friends more.  I had friends that I would talk to occasionally, and I saw family on holidays.  But to be honest, I was “happiest” at home with my beer, my food, my pain killers, and my growing self hate.  THAT was my normal.  I lost many friends and acquaintances to my BEST BUDS Beer and Hydrocodone.

I used to LOVE women’s magazines.  Fitness, beauty, fashion.  But they all reminded me of how NOT perfect I was.  I would start the latest diet nearly every Monday.  It would generally last until Monday at 5:30 when that first drink of beer of the day would cross my lips.  But even with my lack of willpower and commitment to my health, I continually compared myself to those beautiful, perfect creatures in those magazines.  The ones I longed to look like.  The ones I longed to BE.

You know what is funny?  Once I got fit and healthy, I cancelled ALL of those subscriptions.  I guess I got healthier mentally too.  And realized that fit and healthy does not always mean skinny, drop-dead gorgeous, with big boobs and the perfect ass!

I still struggle with my self-esteem and body image almost daily.  But for the first time in my life, even if it is not always my first thought when I see my picture next to a gorgeous, fit woman, I know in my heart that I am fit and healthy.  I work my butt off to be the best ME that I can be!

kickpic collage

And that IS enough.  And anyone who doesn’t think so, doesn’t deserve me, my time, or my friendship.

We need to band together to let our girls know that genetic lottery + photo shop does NOT equal perfection.  And we need to stop striving for, and comparing ourselves to, a perfection that does not exist!

DO NOT skip watching the video!!!  The message is important!