Learning From Loss

If you follow me on Social Media, you know that I have had a rough few weeks.  Especially the last few days.  Tony and I had to let our nearly 17 year old cat go yesterday.  And since you probably know, our “pets” are FAMILY.  But for the last couple weeks, she had been slowly getting worse and worse, but since Saturday evening, she started going downhill fast.  We had really hoped she would pass at home, but by late Monday night it was evident that that may not happen.  Yesterday around 11:30, we took her to her vet and helped her cross the Rainbow Bridge.  She went completely peacefully and is no longer in pain.

I have had pets that I have had to help before, but this one almost ripped my heart out.  Why, you may ask?  I wasn’t real sure.  But the more I thought about it, I think every time I looked at her, it reminded me of the last days with my Dad.  As we watched him drift away, I grew more and more sad and stressed.  He became listless and vacant.  In the end his eyes were so out of focus that I don’t think he was really seeing much of anything.  Late Monday night, Kali’s eyes actually looked crossed.  She could no longer find me in her gaze.  I knew it was time, and if she couldn’t let go, being a cat, I could help her not be in pain anymore.  Which is more than I felt I could do for my Dad.

That brought up a lot of the guilt and sadness that I have been dealing with over the last year, and made me FINALLY see and recognize that THAT is what has been holding me back for the last year.  To be 100% honest, I had gotten to the point that I really didn’t feel worthy of love or anything really good happening for me.  When one owns their own business, a business that requires motivation and inspiration, that is a surefire combo for disaster.

Yesterday, as I sat there with Kali’s body as we prepared to bury her, I realized that I had done nothing wrong!  Even in death, that sweet baby was teaching me something!  I had NO CONTROL over what transpired with my Dad OR Kali’s death than I had with Neil Armstrong landing on the moon!  And I need to remember that more often!  I need to take care of making the best choices I can make about the things I CAN control in my life, and leave the rest up to GOD!

So here is a list of a few things I am going to work on –

Making the best choices for my physical, mental, and spiritual health.  Because I can do NOTHING else for ANYONE else if I do not first take care of ME!

Making the best choices to be the best wife and furmom I can be.

Making the best choices to stay in line with my beliefs and convictions and ethics.

Making the best choices I can to be a better friend.

Making the best choices to be the best employee at my job and trainer and instructor to my clients, and always take pride in the good work that I do and not discount the positive aspects that I bring to them.

Making the best choices I can to spread my joy and my gifts in ways that I CAN help others, and realize when there is nothing more I can do.

Making the choice to RELEASE the guilt I feel for things in my past and things that I simply can not now, and probably never could, change or control.

Leave the past in the past!

Make the choice to NOT let what people do or say, EVER question my Self-Worth

Things I do NOT need to work on –

Trying to figure out how to control EVERYTHING!!!!

 

I would love to have you along with me as I make the choices to become the best human being I am capable of being!

Email me at bodybybrendat@outlook.com for more information on how I can help you with your choices.

 

Peace. Love. And Fitness.